


For Steve

by Oncer993



Category: Agent Carter (TV), Black Mirror--sorta, Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Artificial Intelligence, F/M, Gen, Is Peggy really dead?, No real spoilers if you haven't seen it though, Peggy is back, Steggy - Freeform, This is an AU, Tony cares, Tony's Aunt Peggy, but let's not talk about civil war okay?, inspired by an episode of Black mirror, lets see how far this goes first, matter of fact the time line doesn't matter, steve's birthday, the rating may change, this takes place sometime after the avenger's movies I guess, virtual reality--ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-20
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-09-25 20:27:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 39,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9842492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oncer993/pseuds/Oncer993
Summary: Tony finally knows what to get Steve for his birthday. The dilemma is he has no idea how in the hell he can bring Peggy Carter back to the land of the living. Never fear though, Tony is persistent.





	1. The perfect gift

If someone told you Captain America hated his birthday, you might have a hard time believing it. Hello, he’s Captain _freaking_ America and he was born on the 4 th of July; it doesn’t get much more patriotic than that.

However, people forget about the man behind the Shield, Steve Rogers.  He’s human with very real emotions, with haunted memories of his past self that he may never shake. He never liked the spotlight. He never wanted to stand out; he just wanted to put bullies in their place. Well, it was damn near impossible to avoid that now.

He takes it all in stride the best he can. He goes on with false confidence that he really doesn’t feel. He smiles. He shakes hands; he acts like the man everyone wants to see because no matter how uncomfortable he is, he can’t bring himself to cause others disappointment.

If this means taking pictures whenever he’s stopped on the street then so be it. If it brings joy to someone else, he feels like he’s done something right.

Tony didn’t quite understand this at first. He couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact that Steve absolutely hated all of this attention. Yet if he hadn’t known that brief feeling of panic and wanting to be anywhere else, he would have completely overlooked it.

So he watched but said nothing, he simply tucked it in the back of his mind until he could potentially do something about it.

_

The closer it got to Steve’s birthday, the harder it was for Tony not to revert to just going all out with fireworks like he had the year before. Of course this time he knew better and was actually _trying_ to do better. Y'know being a good person and all that.

It was just so frustrating though. He constantly said he didn’t want anything which baffled Tony to no end. How could he not have one single wish? Why did he refuse to allow himself the luxury of wanting something?

He even recruited the other Avengers into trying to pull gems of information out of him; it was all hopeless in the end. Steve would smile and thank them before saying he was fine.

Tony had no choice but to go through his father’s things, hoping he'd find an answer there. They had been friends after all; something his father bragged about it endlessly. Looking through Howard's things was something he avoided but he was desperate and Tony despised feeling that way. Who knew caring about other people could be so hard?

He unlocked the room when Pepper had turned in for the evening. For reasons even he didn’t quite understand, he didn’t want her to see him in there.

He sighed before he began to dig through his father’s notebooks, old recordings; anything that he thought would help him get a better understanding on who Steve really was.

It seemed like another dead end at first. It was all pretty technical. He listened to his father talk about project rebirth; he could hear the pride in his voice as he spoke of the serum’s success. He didn’t miss the falter in his voice when he mentioned the death of Dr. Erskine though. Initially, he thought it was because the overall mission failed but maybe, just maybe, Howard cared about the man too.

Further searching led him to a small lock box that he had never bothered to open before.  Thankfully he had the key.

He turned the key and lifted the top. Inside was a single manila folder.

As soon as he opened it, he was filled with a painful ache.

He remembered why the box looked so familiar but he had never pushed himself to look inside. It was Aunt Peggy’s. Howard kept it after the incident that claimed her life.

Tony didn’t have much respect for people, surely not back then anyways, but he knew whatever she kept inside had to be precious to her.

Now, well, it was open _now_.

He flipped the file back and was greeted with a black and white photo of a much shorter, much thinner Steve Rogers with dog tags that looked like they weighed more than him around his neck.

He had seen a thousand photos of the man but never before his enhancement.

He didn’t understand why Peggy would keep this. He had just been another recruit, _right_?

Frowning, Tony kept looking. He came across a single letter. He instantly recognized the handwriting to be hers.

It was brief, short and to the point, but the message was very clear. Everything suddenly made so much sense.

He understood why Peggy’s relationships never lasted longer than a few months. He knew why Rogers barely bothered to so much as look interested in another woman even as they threw themselves at his feet constantly.

They both had longed, and were still longing in Steve's case, for someone they could never have.

He suddenly had so much more respect for his father on a personal level. He might have been emotionally distant, but he had a heart after all. He had cared enough about Peggy and her legacy to ensure that her secret would remain protected.

He shut the box, locking it and shoving it away.

He closed the door with a heavy heart. Tony could do a lot of things; raising the dead wasn't exactly in his skill set though.

Nevertheless, Tony was determined to press on. With each step he took, wheels begun turning in his head.


	2. A bit of luck

Tony had thought that figuring out the right present would be the hardest part, turns out he was wrong. He knew that he couldn’t treat this like one of his Iron man suits or Vision. This had to be something different entirely; Peggy had to be as perfect as possible. She also had to be as real as he could make her.

He spent too much time locked away in his lab for Pepper’s liking. She would walk by the door tempted to go in but after hearing his frustrated yells and the sound of things hitting the ground she’d turn away and leave him be. Ironically, he was much like Howard in that regard. He could become completely obsessed with the task at hand and oblivious to the world. However, Tony would absolutely deny that if someone pointed it out.

He dragged a hand over his weary face. He had been up for days now. He would have gone days without showering or eating as well if Pepper hadn’t insisted on it. He’d always sneak out bed when she drifted off though.

So there he was, it was another restless night and he had gotten pretty much nowhere. He stared at the photos and sketches of Peggy that were scattered across the table in front of him. One in particular caught his eye and he picked it up to take a closer look at it; it was her, Howard and Jarvis standing side by side leaning against a car.

Tony’s lips lifted up into a smile as he looked at them, his family. Both men had their arms around Peggy’s shoulders and she was laughing, maybe at the person taking the picture or something his father had said. He was willing to bet it was the latter.  

Tony’s smile widened. Seeing her with her guard down was rare; luckily for him she was always warm and kind around him. He was reminded how much he missed her too. And that’s why he was trying so hard. He realized that this wasn’t just about Steve; he wanted her back as well. Someone needed to help Pepper and Rhodey keep an eye on him after all.

He took a deep breath and placed the picture back down. He pulled out his tablet and typed in some words in the search bar. He told himself it was a joke, a distraction even, but it turned out to be so much more than that.

He scrolled through the results until he came across a forum. He clicked on it out of curiosity. He was beginning to think these people had lost their minds along with their loved ones.  None of them could be true; their minds were obviously playing tricks on them if they thought they had actually communicated with their deceased loved ones.

He went back to the homepage and that’s when he noticed a new post. The title read “How my husband came back to me for good,”.

He chalked it up to another nut job yet he clicked on it anyways.

The first thing that caught his attention were two side by side photos; one was from their wedding four years ago and the other she had said it was recently taken.

_But how?_

He leaned forward, thinking his sleep deprived vision was now screwing with him as he stared at both images.

It could be photo shopped, a _very_ good one, but he wasn’t willing to rule it out.

The details looked too familiar though, too accurate.

Tony wasn’t sure why he felt compelled to believe her story. Perhaps the lack of sleep was finally getting to him.

Nevertheless he found himself typing a private message to her.

“Between us, tell me your story is just bullshit.”

He stared at the text. He had to admit he could have been a bit nicer, but it was sent now and he couldn’t take it back. He assumed she wouldn’t reply anyways.

He sat the tablet down and was going to turn in for the night. He actually wanted to go to bed for once, suddenly feeling overcome with exhaustion. As he rose from the stool, he heard an alert go off.

He nearly jumped. Shaking his head, he picked the device up.

“Were the photos not enough?” was her reply.

“Anyone with Photoshop could do that.”

“Yes, perhaps, I’m not familiar with the software though, at best I could sketch out a stick figure.”

Tony scoffed, clearly she was pulling his leg but he decided to bite the bullet anyways.

“I have no reason to lie to you. I simply wanted to share my story to help others.”

“Let’s say I do buy this fairytale. How did it happen?”

Her reply didn’t come instantly like before.

He smirked; feeling satisfied that he successfully called her bluff.  

He was about to sit the tablet back down and leave again when another notification went off.

“I can give you the details but not over the internet. It’s not safe.”

 _Not safe_? He wanted to laugh. She had all but exposed herself by posting the story and pictures. He had to give her credit for blurring out herself though. But apparently getting into details was where she drew the line.

“Okay where?”

“We can meet up at a public place. I need to know you’re real first. I’m sure you understand.”

This was getting more and more hilarious, Tony thought. She was the sketchy one yet she was now questioning him.

Tony wasn’t afraid by any means. He had faced death more times than he could count and came out alright. Okay, _alright_ was the wrong word, but he was alive.  

“I’m real. You’re gonna have to take my word like I’m taking yours. Now tell me where.”

She sent him an address to a coffee shop. Unfortunately it wasn’t in the states.

“I can meet you in a few days. I’ll send you an update through here, okay?”

“Very well. I do hope you’re serious about this.”

“Right back at ya.”

With that Tony shut down the tablet and left the lab.

As he lay there in bed listening to Pepper’s quiet snores and the sound of the city outside his window, he couldn’t bring himself to give in to sleep.

Sure he still felt tired, he wanted nothing more than to drift off but suddenly he felt like he was five years old and it was Christmas eve.

He was too excited, too hopeful of the prospects that he might have found something. He may have found a way to really bring Peggy back. He hoped that this stranger, whoever she was, was being honest.

If not, well he didn’t want to think of how gutted he’d feel if this all blew up in his face.

He _needed_ this to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: I mean no offense by Tony thinking of grief stricken people as nut jobs or somewhat crazy. I do know how hard it is to process grief and how desperate that can make someone; causing someone to think/act out of the ordinary as they try to cope. It's just me trying to write in Tony's nature as best I can. 
> 
> Also I don't have a set upload schedule for this story. I would say the updates won't take longer than a week though :)


	3. Peggy's arrival

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Spoilers for Black Mirror season 2, episode 1. Charlotte's story is a slightly modified version of Martha's (Hayley Atwell from Black mirror).

Tony had arrived early, which was rare for him. Behind his dark shades, he watched everyone who entered the small coffee shop but no one stood out to him. His eyes lingered on a short woman wearing a poorly fitted red wig who took small, hesitant steps forward; that had to be _her_.

He sighed, stepping out of his car and entering a few moments after her.

The place was fairly busy but not overly crowded. He found her sitting in the back near the window, eyes glancing outwards. She hadn’t seen him, he realized.

“Hi, Tony Stark,” He announced and took a seat.

She stared at him, wide eyed; clearly she hadn’t expected him.

“To---Tony Stark?” She stammered out nervously.

He held up his hands in mock surrender, urging her to keep her voice calm. He didn’t want to bring about any attention.

“Your name?”

She was still stunned but she managed to whisper her name, “Charlotte”.

“It’s a pleasure. Now let’s get down to business shall we? I assume you’ve brought some type of proof.”

She nodded, glancing around again nervously as if she was waiting for cameras to come out and reveal this was all some prank.

She opened the golden envelope with shaky hands.

Tony felt a twinge of sympathy for this woman but didn’t let it show.

She began to tell him about having a hard time coping after her husband’s untimely death. He had been making a delivery for work. He had always come home without incident before; they hadn't expected that to change.

When he didn’t return in the few hours it should have taken, she grew worried. He didn’t answer any of her calls either, but she had to wait a full 24 hours to file a missing person’s report.

The report wasn’t necessary; the police arrived early the next morning to tell her of her husband’s fate. His body was so poorly injured, so mangled and nearly impossible to recognize. She opted to have a closed casket funeral to spare everyone.

The story moved Tony to offer sincere condolences. He knew her pain all too well having lost both of his parents in a car accident.

After wiping away a few tears, she pressed on, finally getting to the purpose of the meeting.

A friend had told her about a company that specialized in creating synthetic replicas of the dead. Initially, she thought she was mad. There wasn’t such a thing; it just couldn’t be. However, as the weeks passed she found herself willing to do anything to bring him back or at least try.

She jumped down the rabbit hole and contacted the company and for the first time since his passing, she felt a small slither of happiness when she heard his voice again.

She told Tony how it was possible; how the company managed to create such a miracle.

Tony held his thoughts to himself, taking in the information, taking notes as necessary. She even let him look at the papers she had brought along.

It was almost too good to be true but it _was_ true.

Tony felt the wheels turning again. This could work. He could contact the company; hell he could even tweak some things here and there to make her all the more real.

“And it’s like having him back?” Tony interrupted her.

She paused and glanced away for a bit.

“As close to it. He wasn’t very active on social media so it wasn’t much date to upload.  It’s not without its flaws. It’s not even ideal really but it’s enough.”

Tony pondered her response. What she left unsaid was more telling than the words she spoke. It wasn’t quite the miracle she had hoped for.

That didn’t deter Tony; he was a genius inventor after all.

Tony thanked her.

“Listen, I appreciate this more than you’ll ever know. If it works… _when_ it works,” he quickly amended because he wasn’t going to fail Aunt Peggy or Steve for that matter, “I’ll contact you. Maybe I could help you with your husband?”

Her eyes lit up with hope. She knew who Tony was and what he was capable of.

“You’d do that?”

“Of course. I expect you to hold me to this too.” He said with a wink.

He passed her a piece of paper with his real e-mail address. He wasn’t bullshitting her. This woman had possibly answered his prayers. He owed her a great debt.

“Thank you!” She surprised them both by pulling him into a tight embrace. He hadn't expected such strength from a small woman.

He returned it, feeling slightly awkward at her expression of gratitude.

“Alright, yeah. I gotta figure this all out first.”

“You will.” She said confidently.

He smiled and bid her goodbye, slipping his sunglasses back on and returning to his car.

_

Steve’s birthday was still rapidly approaching; Tony didn’t have a second to waste. He collected every single piece of digital media he could find on Peggy. He even converted what he could. He needed everything and then some since she had passed before social media was even thought of.

He worked close with the man behind the tech; he helped him modify things that would make Peggy more like their Peggy. Not out of any sense of kindness, no, he knew that if they pulled this off, it could offer him a bigger payday. Tony didn't care about that.

It was all coming together. When he heard Peggy’s voice, it sounded so close to the real thing he almost cried. In fact, he did cry when he had a moment alone.

After tirelessly pouring himself into this, it was nearly complete. ~~The package~~ , _she_ had arrived to his home. Now all there was left to do was to _wake her up_.

He scanned the instructions. He opened the crate and then, then he screamed bloody murder and Pepper came rushing in.

“Tony?” She called, nearly out of breath.

She found him gasping for air, staring at the half opened crate.

“What is it?” She asked, looking back and forth between the box and him.

“I—can’t.” He stuttered.

Pepper was more confused. She walked ahead and peered inside.

What she saw made her want to scream too but at Tony.

“What did you do?!”

He looked up at her feeling equally parts embarrassed and helpless.

"I can explain."

 

_To be continued_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If this seems a bit rushed, I truly apologize. I didn't want to fuss with the details too long though. I don't plan to make this a really long fic either. Hopefully the pace isn't too bad though.


	4. Chapter 4

Tony continued to stare back at Pepper, helplessly, as she just shook her head at him.

“Tony, I don’t even know where to begin,” she started, pacing a little in front of him, “What is this?”

Her voice was a bit softer now yet still held a stern edge to it.

Tony exhaled. It was time for him to start talking.

“ _It’s_ a person. She—she's, do you remember when I told you about Peggy? My aunt Peggy?”

Pepper’s brows furrowed. What did that have to do with anything?

“What about her?” She asked, opting to ignore the urge to argue that the person in question was dead.

“Well you might get to meet her after all.” Tony deadpanned.

“ _What?!_ ” Pepper shrieked. She looked back at the crate, then at him, and then started to take a couple of steps back.

Surely he wasn't implying what she thought he was. That wasn't Peggy. That person, well...all she knew from the brief glance was they appeared unconscious and naked.

She had supported Tony through a lot but to suggest that he was tampering with the dead, well that was extreme even for him.

He understood her freak out; he expected it even.

“Pepper, let me explain,” He said slowly, starting to stand.

“No!” She held a finger up and motioned for him to stay away from her.

“Pepper,” He said firmly.

“What have you done?” She whispered.

Before she could bolt from the room or do something much more dramatic, Tony closed the distance between them, careful to divert his eyes from Peggy’s _body_ , and pulled Pepper into his arms.  

 “It’s not what you think,” He said softly, holding onto her tighter in case she tried to fight him.

She did; she smacked at his arms and twisted but soon gave up and started to scream at him while tears pooled in her eyes.

She didn’t know if he had finally snapped and lost what was left of his mind. She felt tired. She felt confused.

He allowed her to have her moment. He knew she’d calm down soon or at least he hoped she would. He still needed her help.

“Pepper, it’s not her exactly. It looks like her, yes, eerily so but that’s actually a good thing. It’s— _she’s_ a surprise for Steve. Now I don’t have time to explain _that_ right now but you have to trust me. I know that’s asking a lot—

“Tony!” She cut through, pushing back against him and he finally dropped his hold.

She stood in front of him, breathing heavily and boiling with rage.

“I will tell you everything, Pepper. You have my word!” He said sincerely, “But I need you to do something for me.”

She crossed her arms and scoffed.

“What?”

“I need you to put her in the tub and then…when she’s awake, help her dress?”

She could have smacked him; she should have smacked him. Instead, she found herself lifting a surprisingly light Peggy out of the crate and placing her into the tub.

She titled her head to the side as she stared down at it-her, she wasn’t sure what the proper pronoun was.

Now that she allowed herself to actually begin to process this madness, the similarities began to stand out. It was amazing really; crazy and impossible yet amazing. She watched for a moment as the body began to become surrounded by water, her dark locks floating around her.

If Pepper wasn’t so shell shocked, she might have been able to fully be blown away by this. She tore her eyes away suddenly, turning away from the woman she had never personally met but Tony absolutely adored. She nearly walked right into him as she stepped out of the bathroom.

“Why does she need to be in the tub anyways?” Pepper asked, surprised she didn’t question it before.

Tony shrugged and crossed his arms, “it’s what the directions said.”

“Smart ass,” She scoffed.

Tony gave her a knowing grin.

“Oh no, don’t give me that look. You are so not off the hook.”

“I know.” He replied, suddenly serious again.

Pepper leaned against the now closed door, listening as the water settled into the tub.

“Listen, I’m not crazy. I did my research and was there every step on the way with crea—bringing her back.”

“What is she exactly?”

“Technically?”

Pepper nodded, resisting the urge to make a sarcastic comment.

“Synthetic technology. She’s not like Vision but, well she’s also not-not like Vision.”

“What does that mean?”

“It’s hard to explain. It’s not exactly black and white, sorta in the gray area.”

“But how do they look so much alike? Does she have her memories? Can sh—

“I’ll explain all of that. Right now can I be selfish and say I just--- I don’t know, need a moment? I’ve been working at this none stop for a while now. I still can’t believe it all worked.”

Tony expected Pepper to be outraged. She sure as hell deserved to be. Much to his surprise, hers too probably, she nodded and pulled him in for a hug.

She could see how much this had taken a toll on him. Tony was a perfectionist and because this was also personal to him, she knew he had pushed himself to his limits.

She wished she could take away all of the weight he was carrying but she didn’t even know half of the truth at this point. For now, she’d table her anger and offer him some comfort.

Tony sagged into her embrace, holding onto her as if he was afraid she’d slip away any minute.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, this time.” She said teasingly, hoping to lighten the mood.

They remained like that for a while until they heard splashing.

Pepper froze. Tony’s hold tightened protectively before he told himself that it was just _Aunt Peggy_.

“Is she---

“Yes,” Tony finished for her.

She dropped her arms and put some space in between them, eyes never leaving his.

“I can do it.” She assured him.

She had faced down her fair share of scary things. She was sure she could handle Peggy. Actually she wasn’t sure. In fact, she had zero confidence. Peggy Carter was a legend, an enhanced version of her downright terrified Pepper.

Luckily, she had a pretty good poker face.

Tony nodded, letting her go.

Pepper shut the door behind her.

Dripping wet, looking unnervingly calm was Peggy Carter standing before her.

If she were modest she’d perhaps try to cover up. Yet, there wasn’t a shy bone in Peggy’s body, not even in this form.

“Hello,” She said.

Pepper was startled as if she hadn’t expected her to be able to talk.

“Hi,” She replied back in a nervous voice. “I’m Pepper.”

Peggy gave her a once over.

“Virginia Potts.” Peggy stated matter-of-factly.

“Uh, yes.” Pepper nodded. Had Tony told her that…somehow?

Pepper reached for the towel laid across the bathroom sink and handed it to her as well as one of Tony’s oversized shirts. Pepper’s clothes were a tad too small.

“We’ll have to go shopping for you tomorrow. For now this will have to do.”

“Thank you.” Peggy replied gratefully.

She turned her back and began to dry herself.

There was still so much awkwardness surrounding them. How much did Peggy know? And how did she know anything really?

Pepper didn’t particularly feel up to having a Q&A session with her though.

Pepper averted her eyes to give Peggy some sort of privacy.

Peggy slipped the red shirt over her body and proceeded to run the towel through her hair.

She felt---well she wasn’t sure how she felt as of yet.

“I assume you’d like to meet Tony.”

Peggy’s ears perked upon hearing the name.

“Anthony.” She said almost immediately.

“Yes,” Pepper replied with a smile. No one ever called him by his real name anymore.

If she hadn’t known any better, Peggy’s eyes seemed to get misty for a moment as she stared off with a look on her face.

“Where is he?” She asked softly.

“He’s right outside.”

Pepper opened the door slowly as Peggy began to move forward. 

“Tony—

Before Pepper could finish, Peggy had pulled him into a hug.

She had always been strong but even more so now. She didn’t hurt him though; she’d never hurt him.

“Anthony,” Peggy’s voice broke as she held him close.

Tony couldn’t speak. He had tried, but he was too choked up.

Pepper decided to give them some time alone and retreated to their bedroom, although she knew she wouldn’t be getting any sleep tonight.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi so the naked Peggy was borrowed from Black Mirror as well as the tub thing. I thought about leaving it out because y'know, let's not scar Tony but I thought it'd be pretty funny in hindsight.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made this one a little longer ;)

Peggy finally tore herself away from Tony, sniffling and chuckling as she did so. Tony led her to what would be her temporary bedroom.

Peggy’s first thought was it looked like something straight out of a magazine; it was decorated to perfection and there wasn’t a doubt in her mind that Tony inherited his father’s taste in a well decorated home.

She smiled at him as she spotted the vanity, all white and sleek with a single red rose to the right. It was a nice personal touch.  

“Have a seat,” He said, finding his voice again.

She did; slowly she lowered herself onto the plush white stool, crossed her legs at her ankles and waited for him to sit down as well.

For a moment they just sat in silence, staring at one another.

She scanned his face; taking in his red eyes, the dark circles underneath them and his untamed beard. 

She didn’t need to be enhanced to know that he was drained beyond belief.

She also noticed that he certainly wasn’t the little boy who clung to her side whenever she visited and would fall asleep in her lap while she told him about her war stories. He was particularly fond of the Howling commandos.

Yet, at her brief glance at her own reflection just a short while ago it appeared she hadn’t aged. She knew time had passed though; a lot of time.

“Anthony,”

“Yes?”

“I--,” she sighed; she didn’t know what to say exactly.

She closed her eyes, trying to recall her latest memory before today. She had been on a mission with Daniel and Jack. Everything had gone as planned until it didn’t. There was an explosion. Suddenly men appeared out of nowhere, easily outnumbering the trio.

It hadn’t deterred Peggy. She matched her opponents blow for blow until she overtook them. She was going to pick up her gun that had been lost in combat when— _well_ ; it was a blank what happened next.

She couldn’t recall. Had she been knocked out? Frowning, she opened her eyes to find Tony staring back at her with a worried expression.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” He asked.

“I’m alright,” She waved off his concerns.

“How am I here exactly, Anthony? And why have you aged while I haven’t?”

She tried to scan her own memories as well as the vast of information that had been uploaded to her system. Information she shouldn’t know. It was why she knew Virginia’s— _Pepper’s_ real name.

Howard and Martha’s accident flashed in her mind; quickly being replaced by articles of Tony getting into trouble with the law due to being heavily intoxicated or high, doing whatever he could so that he didn’t feel the pain stemming from their deaths.

Where was she in all of this? Surely she’d have been by his side.

Before she could go any further, she felt a hand touch her wrist and she focused back on the present.

“You must have discovered the fountain of youth and decided not to share it with the rest of the world.” Tony winked at her.

She narrowed her eyes at him disapprovingly at his joke. 

“You always were a charmer like Howard.”

She hadn’t meant anything by it; it was completely innocent.

Tony, however, looked hurt by the comparison.

“I’m sorry, Anthony.”

He shook his head at her apology off with a fake smile before returning to his spot on the edge of the bed.

He didn’t want to tell her she had died. He had erased it from her memory before the upload was complete hoping to spare her and on a more selfish level, himself.

He didn’t know all the details; he could go to his own grave happily never knowing.

He wasn’t even sure if it would work; if her memories would transfer, if she’d wake up at all. Everything was still so experimental.

“I’m so sorry about your parents.” She whispered.

They had been close; she spent a fair share of holidays with them. They had been the closest thing to family she ever had here in the states. Ana and Edwin of course too. What had become of them?

She thought on it although she had the sick feeling she’d find out they were no longer here as well.

She had been unfortunately right; she took comfort in realizing they had at least lived until their seventies.

“Thank you. I don’t think they suffered…I’d like to think they didn’t anyways.”

This time she didn’t try to look up details on their accident; it was easier to accept Tony’s words.

“Good,” She offered a sad smile.

“You should rest.” She said, suddenly.

She wanted to be alone and she also didn’t want him to pass out.

“We have so much to talk about Aunt Peggy.” Tony said as he tried to suppress a yawn.

“And talk we will after you’ve gotten some proper sleep. I’m not asking you, Anthony.”

His heart squeezed at her tone of voice. She had never been one to take on the authoritative role with him, not really anyways. On the rare occasion when she did, he knew better than to argue with her.

“I guess that means I’m going to bed then huh?”

“Yes and I’m sure Vir— _Pepper_ is waiting. It’s not polite to leave a woman waiting. It’s one of the worst things in fact.”

“Yeah?” Tony replied, getting to his feet.

She nodded, not allowing her mind to drift off to a painful time when she found herself waiting for a man; a man that never came.

“Go on. I’ll be fine.” She rose as well and gave him a gentle nudge forward.

He told her goodnight and left her to her own devices.

Peggy exhaled loudly as she locked the door behind him.

She felt so overwhelmed and terribly confused.

Shaking her head, she turned to her left and spotted a photo on the night stand.

It had been the same one Tony had looked at before; the one with her, Howard and Jarvis.

It brought a sobering smile to her face. They were gone and somehow against all reasonable logic, she was still here.

Nothing made sense but she was too afraid of finding out the truth.

Placing the picture back down gently, she pushed the covers back and crawled into the bed.

Perhaps some sleep would do her some good as well even if she didn’t particularly require it.

_

Peggy was roused from her sleep by a soft knock on the door. She wasn’t actually sleeping, not like ordinary humans do but she did feel more recharged when she opened her eyes. She went to open the door and found Pepper standing on the other side with a few shopping bags in her hands. She looked like she could have used a few more hours of sleep herself if the dark circles underneath her eyes were any indication.

“Good morning, I hope I didn’t disturb you.”

“Nonsense,” Peggy waved off her apology and stepped back so she could come in.

She deposited most of the bags on the end of the bed and held out a smaller one for Peggy.

“I didn’t know what you’d like. I apologize for the basic pieces but I figured if you didn’t like them, at least you’d have something to wear to come along next time. Those are a few makeup items. I heard you have a thing for red lipstick.”

“I do, thank you. You didn’t have to do all of this.” Peggy smiled sincerely as she took the bag. Inside, she found a few red lipsticks with different undertones along with some other essential cosmetic products.

“It’s alright.” She had been Tony’s assistant for years so it didn’t bother her. Although she much preferred working in her office now.

“Would you like coffee? Tea?”

“How about you have a seat? You look like you could use the rest.”

Pepper didn’t put up an argument as she pushed one of the bags aside and sat down.

Peggy began to look through the items, reaching for a bra and underwear. They were simple but it didn’t matter; she didn’t need all the bells and whistles. In the next bag she found a simple white t-shirt and jeans? No, they only had back pockets and looked entirely too tight.

“They are jeggings. They look like jeans while giving you the comfort of leggings. You’ll love them.”

Peggy wasn’t totally convinced as images of women wearing these so called _jeggings_ flashed through her mind. She picked them up anyway and excused herself to go change.

She was surprised to see the bra fit seeing as how she never gave Pepper her measurements. Perhaps she was just naturally good at guessing. Had she been in the fashion industry at some point? Peggy wondered. No, she realized as she scanned through her history. Nothing came up at least.

She dismissed her curiosity; it wasn’t anything to ponder over too long. Peggy turned her attention to her reflection in the mirror.

Her attire was simple, too simple and too modern for her taste but at least the clothing didn’t fit her improperly.

She brought her hand up and ran it through her hair. It looked flat now without the curls she was so accustomed to.

She didn’t look like herself or at least not the Peggy in her head. She missed her red hat and signature red lipstick.

She put on one of the darker red lipsticks but it still didn’t feel right. It didn’t complete her.

She didn’t bother to apply anything else to her face.

Her eyes fell on a pair of scissors and then back up to her hair; she suddenly got a strong urge to hack at it.

She remembered once when she had allowed her hair to grow longer than usual and she promised the first thing she’d do when she had the downtime would be to cut it.

So why not now?

She picked up the scissors that were conveniently in one of the drawers and grabbed a handful of hair.

“Here goes nothing,” she whispered to herself and went for the first clip.

More hair fell into the sink and some spilled onto the floor. When she was done, she smiled at her now shoulder length hair. It wasn’t even; she wasn’t a professional after all, but it didn't matter.

Pepper’s eyes doubled in mild shock when she reappeared.

“Um…would you like me to fix that for you?”

“Yes, please,” Peggy nodded.

She sat at the vanity and Pepper left to get a real pair of sheers to clean up her work.

Peggy watched through the mirror as Pepper worked quietly, looking completely focused on the task at hand.

She was a serious person just like her.

The image conjured a memory in Peggy’s head. She remembered being a little girl and her mother chastising her about playing too roughly while combing through the tangles in her hair. She tried to remember her mother’s face but she drew a blank just like last night. The more she wanted to remember, the harder it was for her to concentrate.

She opened her eyes thankful that Pepper didn’t seem to notice.

“I think we’re done.”

Pepper swept the hair from her shoulders and waited for Peggy’s response.

She had parted her hair so that it’d fall naturally to the right. The layers in front gave the impression of a fringe and the ends curled slightly towards her face.

“Is it too limp? I could curl it for you?” Pepper suggested, taking her silence for dislike.

“No, no,” Peggy replied quickly. “I love it actually. I’ve always wondered how it’ll look this short. Thank you, Pepper.”

“My pleasure.”

“Tony should be back soon. He left to go to the---,” she stopped herself. Peggy didn’t know about the Avengers or the tower. Pepper didn’t think Tony would want her to be the one to tell her about any of it and certainly not Steve. “He had some business to see to. Would you be okay by yourself? I have to go to the office in a few.”

Peggy got the impression that Pepper was holding something back but it’s not like she could read the other woman’s mind. She nodded.

“I’m not a child.” She remarked, the words coming out a little harsher than necessary.

“Of course you aren't. I just, well, what will you do?”

“I’m sure I’ll find something to occupy me. It isn’t your concern, have a nice day at work.”

Pepper didn’t see the point in arguing or further upsetting Peggy. She turned and left the room.

Peggy thought she should apologize. Her bluntness was often mistaken for coldness and Pepper didn’t deserve that.

She told herself she’d bring it up later. She went back to the shopping bags and began to put the clothes away; she made her bed next. She wasn’t sure how much time had passed but she heard Pepper’s voice telling her goodbye through what sounded like an intercom.

Peggy told her bye as well but didn't know where or what to speak into.

_

Tony was helping himself to a cup of coffee when he felt a presence behind him. He didn’t need to turn around to know it was Natasha. She had the stealthy act down pact even when she wasn't on a mission.

“Romanoff,” He greeted.

“Tony.” Natasha said dryly as she picked up an apple from the bowl on the counter. “So what did you get us into now?”

“Can’t a guy just visit? I do own the place you know.”

Natasha scoffed before taking a bite of the tart apple.

“Is Rogers around?” He asked.

“Tony don’t,” Natasha shot him a stern look, already suspecting the worse.

“What?”

“His birthday is two days away. Those fireworks last year nearly gave him a heart attack.”

“I didn’t know you were so concerned.”

“Well we normal people have to watch each others backs when it comes to you.”

“Normal huh? Ouch.” Tony chuckled.

“He’s on a run with Sam I believe.”

“Hmm, good. Has he said anything about his birthday?”

“Not really.”

“Not once? Does he even care?”

“I don’t think it’s a big deal to him. I don’t go all out for mine either.” Natasha shrugged and left.

Tony stared after her although she was long gone. Now that she had mentioned it, he couldn’t remember her ever telling anyone her birthday. Well, maybe she told Clint; they were the closest.

Tony blew on his coffee before taking a sip as he thought about how he could get Peggy here without anyone noticing. He hoped she’d be willing to go along with whatever idea he came up with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm not going to lie, I don't have a solid reason about how Peggy has her memories, however, they aren't all there. Tony wiped her death away but some things she just can't remember.  
> I didn't want it to be too perfect y'know?


	6. Coming clean

On the way back home, Pepper face timed Tony.

“Hello Gorgeous,” He greeted her with a grin.

She suppressed the urge to roll her eyes; he was far from out of the dog house.

“Peggy is home alone. I just wanted to give you a heads up.”

“She’s not a child, Pepper.”

Pepper did roll her eyes this time as he echoed the same words as his adoptive aunt.

“Of course she isn’t! But is it really safe for her to be alone?”

“She won’t go on some mass killing spree. What exactly do you think of her?” Tony barked with no regard to his tone.

He was still reeling over the last 24 hours.

Pepper was stunned and a little offended. She would never imply such a thing.

“I think she’s been brought into a word she doesn’t understand. She’s probably confused and we’ve left her by herself to deal with it all. I’m just worried.” Pepper’s tone dropped to just above a whisper.

It was all so much to take in but yet again she tabled her own thoughts; this time for both Peggy and Tony. It was taking a toll on her.

“I’m on my way back right now. Aunt Peggy is tough, Pepper. You’ll see that.”

“Tony, it still hasn’t occurred to you that she may not be the same woman. She isn’t _actually_ her. You do know that right?”

He did. But she was the closest thing he’d ever get to having her back. He wasn’t going to give that up no matter what.

“I can handle this. I promise.” Tony sighed wearily.

Pepper managed a nod before ending the call. She trusted that Tony would give it his all. That’s what scared her the most; he never knew when enough was enough. She worried this would all blow up in his face.

_

“Aunt Peggy?” Tony called out as he closed the door behind him.

“Jarvis, where is she?”

“Good afternoon Mr. Stark.”

“Yes, yes, hello. Where is she?”

“She's in her room, sir.”

Tony headed upstairs towards her bedroom and knocked.

Peggy paused from looking at the photos in her hand and turned towards the door.

“Pepper, have you returned already?”

“It’s Tony.”

“Anthony.” Peggy said happily as she placed the pictures down next to her and went to let him in.

“Hey.” He smiled at her, “May I?” He asked, gesturing towards the chaise near her window.

“It’s your home, Anthony.”

He walked over and took a seat, patting the space next to him.

Peggy hesitantly moved her feet, picking up the photos again and going to him.

“You’ve cut your hair.”

“Oh, yes,” She reached up in response and ran her fingers through the shorter strands. “I like it much better now.”

“Good, good. You know you chopped your hair off before. I was like eight. Dad gave you a hard time about it.” He chuckled at the memory.

Peggy laughed along with him quietly. Although she couldn’t recall the memory herself it seemed plausible. Sometimes she thought Howard lived to pester her; she grew to understand he did it out of love.

“What have you got there?”

Peggy passed him the photos. Tony took them and shuffled through them.

He had left them out without thinking in the lab. However it was supposed to be locked.

“How did you get these?”

Peggy lowered her head in embarrassment. “I may have taken them. I planned on returning them though, I promise.”

“I don’t mind. But why were you stooping?”

“That’s such a horrible way to put it,” Peggy scoffed. “I had nothing else to do and the door was unlocked.”

“It was?” He then remembered with everything that happened the previous night, he didn’t lock the door after all.

“I found a crate as well, sketches and photos of me. Anthony what’s going on?”

The question surprised him although it shouldn’t have. He knew he’d have to have this conversation with her soon.

He sighed as he placed the pictures down on the space in between them.

How could he tell her the truth? How would she even react?

She looked at him with her deep brown eyes expectantly.

She appeared so young, just as he had remembered her before she was killed. It tugged at his heart.

“Aunt Peggy, what exactly do you remember about your last mission?”

She thought on it and told him all that she could recall; how she’d been in the field with Daniel and Jack when they were suddenly outnumbered and tried to fight their way out. She paused before telling him that she didn't know how it ended.

“You don’t remember because I erased it from your memory.” Tony confessed slowly.

The words sunk in and she stared at him speechless.

“Erased it? That doesn’t make any sense.” She shook her head.

“Do you get the feeling that you know things that you shouldn’t?”

She said nothing.

“You told me you were sorry about my parents. Truth is Aunt Peggy, they were still alive as far as you knew. How else could you have known when I didn’t mention it?”

She swallowed as she took a deep breath.

“I gave you all that information. I figured it’d be easier than trying to give you a crash course over everything you missed out on. Some of it is not even worth the trouble but I wanted you to know anyways.”

“How?” She spoke at last. “You can’t just _give_ someone information. We’re people---we’re not robots or machines!”

This time it was Tony who didn't know what to say. Did she know what she was? He didn’t think she’d have any memory of her recreation. He had programmed it that way; he didn’t recreate a false memory in its place though. How foolish that was.

“No. You can’t do that to a real person.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “What does that mean?”

“Deep down you know,” He didn’t think he could bring himself to say the truth.

“Know what?”

“Know that something isn’t right.”

“You’re being extremely evasive, Anthony. I’d expect this from Howard but not you.”

The words hurt him. They hurt Peggy to speak them as well. She didn’t understand why he felt the need to lie to her.

“I can handle the truth, Anthony.” She blinked back the tears forming in her eyes.

“It should be impossible for you to be here like this,” he gestured towards her.

She nodded. She knew that. People aged, no matter how good their skincare regiment was or genetics. She should be old with wrinkles and her hair should be grey. She should be in her 90’s, yet she appeared to be in her late twenties.

“Don’t make me say it.” Tony pleaded softly as he forced himself to keep eye contact with her.

She could tell he was on the verge of tears as well. Her first instinct was to hold him and tell him to forget about it. She was supposed to protect him not bring him pain. However, her desire to know the truth outweighed her pull to comfort him.

“Anthony, I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important.”

She let a tear escape, allowing herself to be vulnerable and exposed.

He sniffled, turning his head to wipe his own eyes as he nodded his head.

“Yeah,” he agreed.

Without saying another word, he took her hand and led her to his lab.

She followed along.

“Technology has come a long way since your time.” He said.

 _Her time_ , she repeated in her head. She certainly wasn’t there anymore.

“Dad made some amazing things back then. I’ve managed to surpass him ten times over, maybe more.” He said matter-of-factly.

“There’s this invention, I’m sorta kicking myself for not discovering it, and it allows people to come back.”

Peggy still remained near the doorway with her arms crossed. She began to suspect he was trying to distract her somehow.

“I thought it was insane at first. You can’t just bring back the dead. You can’t.”

“Do you follow?” He paused, looking up from a photo of her and him taken at a Christmas party when he was a baby.

“Just spit it out.” She demanded.

He had been dancing around his words for long enough and she had her fill.

“Aunt Peggy---

“Are you implying that I died?”

She asked, saying what he refused.

“I’m not implying anything.”

“Anthony,” She said darkly. She had never used such a harsh tone with him. The look in her eyes drove it home even more.

“Yes,” He whispered. “You died; technically you were killed on that mission. I don’t know how nor do I wish to. The file was classified. I assumed dad knew but I never asked. I wiped your final moments from your memory before---bringing you back in _that_ form. A synthetic version of Peggy Carter. That’s what you are, okay?” The words spilled out rapidly. He knew that if he focused on the right way to say it, he'd end up skipping around the truth again.

Peggy’s mind began to explore as if on its own accord before she could block it out. Information on synthetic tech appeared in her mind. An obituary, her own, flashed before her eyes. Images from her funeral followed. Excerpts from interviews from Howard, Phillips, the Howlies and even Jack Thompson began to play.

It began to overwhelm her and before she knew it, she had sunk to her knees, squeezing her eyes shut and screaming at the top of her lungs.

“Aunt Peggy,” Tony shook her as he tried to get her to snap out of it.

_What had he done?_

“Please, Aunt Peggy,” He called desperately.

The sight before him threatened to crush his heart. There were a handful of people in his life he never wanted to hurt, accidentally or not. Peggy was one of those people.

He had done this. He was causing her such pain and he hated himself for it yet he couldn’t bring himself to regret bringing her back.

Her cries grew silent and her body relaxed as her shoulders drooped. She slowly opened her eyes which were now almost as red as her lips. Her cheeks were damp with tears.

“I’m so sorry!” were the next words that left Tony’s lips, “I didn’t know this would affect you like this. I was stupid. I---

“Why?” She asked as she sniffled.

“ _Why?_ ” He repeated softly, wiping the remainder of her tears away as his own freely fell.

Thoughts of Steve popped in his head. The look of hopelessness behind his eyes when he thought no one was paying attention. The heavy burden of living another day in a world he felt disconnected to evident on his face that he hadn’t successfully blocked from Tony’s knowing eyes.  

Initially it had been for him. It wasn’t until he started down the path of bringing her back and seeing her with his own eyes that he realized a huge part of him needed her as well.

“The world needs Peggy Carter.” He joked through his sadness. “I need you, Aunt Peggy. And...so does Cap.”

She only knew of one man to be given the nickname Cap. She had told a younger Tony stories of him herself. But the way he said it, it was as if he knew him personally. Which couldn't be true or could it?

“Steve Rogers.”

“That’s the one.”

She pushed aside surfacing memories of their last conversation right before he crashed. It was painful enough to have experienced. It was more gut wrenching to think on now.

“He’s gone, Anthony.” She tried to stand but felt too weak to. With her enhanced body, she could have gotten to her feet if she truly wanted to of course. The exhaustion clouding her mind outweighed her physical strength in that moment.

Tony got up and pulled her with him. She began to walk out of the lab and he followed closely behind. She stopped in the living room and practically sank onto the sofa.

He sat on the armrest of the chair opposite of her, his hands clasped in his lap.

“Turns out he wasn’t so dead after all.”

Peggy shook her head. Steve had died. No one, not even a super soldier with a heart as big as his new body, could survive that. He was gone and his body had never been recovered. She hated knowing he’d never get a proper burial but somehow managed to find peace as she poured the last of his blood over the bridge that day. Saying goodbye to the only man she had ever fully gave her heart to.

“Anthony, please tell me you didn’t bring him back too.”

“No, of course not. They found him, Aunt Peggy. A few years ago. He was frozen like…well a popsicle.” He couldn’t help but to crack at his poor joke.

Her glare reminded him that he was making fun of the man she loved and he quickly sobered up.

He cleared his throat.

“He woke up. Fury told him the world needed his help, Captain America’s anyway. Between you and me, I don’t know much about Steve actually. The guy is like a closed book. I think he just exists behind the shield now.”

Peggy disregarded the rising curiosity to ask who Fury was. If she really wanted to know, it wasn't necessary to ask.

“Howard looked for him and never found him. There’s no way---

“After everything I’ve said today this is what you can’t believe?” He cut her off.

“Look it up.” He challenged her.

“No,” She replied firmly. She didn’t want to go down that road. She didn’t want to break her heart all over again.

“Aunt P—

“I said no, Anthony! Steve was a good man. I have no idea what games you mean to play by hurting me like that but it ends now.” She got to her feet before he could barely blink.

“Please,” He urged as he reached out to grab her before she could get too far. “You know it’s true. I know you do.”

She tried to block out his words and how sincere they sounded.

It would have been wonderful to believe that somehow she lived again, even in this new body that looked eerily realistic and that Steve was here as well.

She had allowed herself to hope he’d return before. That they could go home after the war, together, and go dancing. She had to shut down such silly dreams a long time ago before she went mad.

Yet somehow, deep down she knew that if she just allowed herself to look she’d find proof.

Perhaps that’s why she was so afraid. The life she thought only existed in her mind was possibly within her grasp. Only she was, well not herself and apparently neither was Steve.

Against her better judgment, she yanked away from Tony and allowed herself to think about Steve.

Images of present day Captain America flooded her mind. He _was_ alive.

She wanted to fall again but forced herself to be strong. She wouldn’t be so emotional again, not even in front of Tony.

“Is he hurt?” She asked, turning to face a worried looking Tony.

“Physically no. Emotionally…I think the guy is a wreck.”

“And how could I possibly help him?”

Tony couldn’t have known about their special relationship.

“You guys served together but it was more than that, right? I found your letter to him. Dad hid it…and well I put two and two together. The guy refuses to date no matter how many times Nat tries to set him up.”

Peggy kept her face neutral. Although a wave of jealous hit her at the idea of Steve dating other women. Not that she could blame him, he deserved a chance at finding love. She had moved on in the past as well, as much as she could anyways.  

“What letter?”

“Do you want me to read it to you?”

“Don’t be cheeky.” Peggy warned. “Even if somehow, at some point, there may have been something between Steve and I, it’s no one’s blasted business. I certainly won’t discuss it with you.”

She stepped back, putting physical and emotional distance between herself and Tony.

He understood why but it didn't ease the stung he felt.

“Believe me I don’t want the details.”

She looked as though she wanted to slap some sense into him. He deserved it but was grateful she restrained herself.

“Sorry,” He held up a hand.

“All I know is his birthday is in two days. You never got over him, Aunt Peggy. I don’t know it for sure but my gut tells me he never got over you either. I just thought---I wanted to give you both a second chance. Hell, I missed you too. I can admit that. I’m a selfish S.O.B or so I've been told.”

And to his surprise, she gave a bitter laugh in response.

He thought maybe she had finally lost her mind.

“No, you’re not selfish.” She shook her head. “You’ve always been a good boy, Anthony. Just like Howard, you don’t always show it the best way.”

She pulled him in for a tight hug and he wrapped his arms around her in return.

It was like he was a child again and he was greeting her after she had been gone far too long. He always felt safe in her arms.

“I have no bloody idea what you’ve gotten us into, Anthony. Nevertheless, I am _here_.” She whispered.

He didn’t want to let go. He couldn’t even speak so he just nodded and continued to embrace her.

After another shared emotional moment, they went to sit on the couch and Peggy rubbed his back comfortingly. Again, he felt as though he was a kid again. He never left her side when she’d come visit. He knew Maria was a tad jealous of their closeness. He had loved his mother but feared her frustration with his father caused her to be distant with him as well.

If it weren’t for Edwin, Ana and Peggy, who knows how different Tony would be now.

“You’re supposed to his birthday present.” Tony confessed.

“I figured as much. No one knows about me other than Pepper?”

“Not a soul.” He didn't consider the inventor that helped him. He'd keep his mouth shut if he knew what was best for him.

“I don’t like the idea of dumping this all on him, not if he’s as fragile as you say he is. He doesn’t have any friends?”

Tony shrugged. “I know he trusts us when we’re fighting together. And I’m not saying the guy is a complete loner. He comes around but he’s still guarded. I don’t know anything personal about him. If I hadn’t pushed his buttons so many times, I would swear he’s never angry.”

“Yes, that’s a Stark specialty I’m afraid.” She teased.

“I think he’ll want to see you, but I never asked what _you_ wanted.”

Peggy stared back at him. _What did she want?_

She’d be lying to herself if she said she wanted to run into Steve’s arms and go on as if their many years apart never happened. As nice as it would be, it was just not realistic.

She yearned to see him though. No matter what did or didn't become of them romantically, if she could help him find peace it would be enough for her.

She didn’t want to think too long on not being with him in that way though.

“What exactly do you have planned for this surprise of yours?”

“Does that mean you’re in?”

“It means I’ll hear you out.” Peggy countered. Her heart knew she was in though. Completely and hopelessly "in" whatever madness Tony had thought up. Steve was her one weakness. God help them all.


	7. A birthday to remember or forget

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize in advance for the angst.

Tony insisted that Peggy go shopping for Steve’s birthday. After dishing out a bit of complaining, she found herself riding shotgun as Pepper drove them to the shopping district. New York had certainly changed since she had been _alive_ or her former self; she was still struggling to decide if she thought she was actually Peggy Carter or a mere imitation of the legend.

Flashing signs, large buildings, pedestrians occupying every piece of available side walk space and there were so many yellow taxis that they all became a blur after a while. She turned away and stared down at her nails. They were painted a lovely shade of dark red to match her lipstick. She hummed happily to herself. She was grateful that the small things could still bring her a slice of comfort during this chaotic time.

“Do you need me to come inside with you?” Pepper asked as she put the car in park.

“That won’t be necessary.” Peggy answered; she suspected that the other woman only tolerated her for Tony’s sake although she didn’t believe she disliked her.

However Pepper felt, Peggy appreciated the respect and kindness she showed her.

“But thanks for asking.” She added before leaving the car.

Never one to shy away from the unknown, Peggy strolled confidently through the front door.

“Hello, what are you looking for today?”

As confident as she felt stepping inside, her confidence faltered somewhat as she watched the patrons running about. It was the day before a holiday, a big American holiday at that, which meant long lines and crowded stores.

She bit down on the frustration brewing inside her and smiled at the sales associate.

“I’m not sure actually. Perhaps a dress?”

“No problem.” The woman reached for her arm and together they navigated through the sea of people and towards the dress racks.

“Hmm, blush would look beautiful against your skin.”

“I much prefer red.”

“Oh, right, how very festive.” The woman smiled at her and Peggy didn’t detect any sarcasm from her tone so she just nodded.

“Are you attending some big 4th of July celebration?”

“It’s for a friend’s birthday.”

“Oh, hmm,” The woman turned away and began to search the racks.

Peggy watched on, being mindful to step out of the way whenever some teenage girl got too close and was too occupied with her phone to see that someone was indeed standing there.

After the third time, Peggy wanted to reach out and smack the phone out of their hands to teach them a lesson. When an armful of garments was shoved towards her, she lost the urge altogether.

“The dressing rooms are right over there. A few reds but I found a blush dress and blue one you just have to try on!” The woman gave her an encouraging nudge and Peggy picked up her feet.

After a few excuse and pardon me's, Peggy lucked up with an empty dressing room. She quickly went inside and locked the door.

She hung the dresses up and began to try them on.

The sleeveless dark blue dress that stopped just above the knee was perfect. It hugged her without being too tight and the v-collar was not too revealing.

She spun around and admired her reflection before changing out of the dress and going to return the dresses that didn’t make the cut.

She was prepared to head to the register when the sales woman pulled her towards the shoe section and when she handed Peggy a pair of simple black heels with a thin ankle strap well she couldn’t say no. What woman didn’t like looking her best?

“I think this will do. Thank you for all your help.”

“Wait,”

Peggy wanted to scream when she saw her reaching towards her again. 

“Actually---

“This friend is a guy right?”

“ _What?_ ”

“If it was a girl you wouldn’t be making such a fuss. Are you two more than friends? You’re going to have to get some nice underwear for later in the evening if you want to really impress him.”

Peggy stood there, gob smacked, as she listened to her ridiculous assumption.

“That is highly presumptuous of you and rude.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you.” The woman apologized quickly.

“Because you were so helpful before, I won't insist on speaking to your manager.” Peggy narrowed her eyes at her before walking around her and going to the lingerie section.

She was absolutely certain that nothing would happen between her and Steve, certainly not _that_ and certainly not tomorrow night. She found a nice black bra with subtle lace detailing that caught her eye though. She grabbed a black thong before she lost the rest of her nerves and then checked out.

She was grateful that Pepper didn’t try to make idle conversation on the ride back to Tony’s place.

_

It was officially the day; Steve’s birthday. Tony had woke Peggy up at what felt like an ungodly hour only to have Pepper yet again accompany her. This time it was to a hair salon to get her hair “properly styled”. The patrons and staff alike were too uppity for Peggy’s liking but she sat through the long wait and styling process nevertheless. In the end, she was pleased with her the shoulder length beach waves and the few light brown highlights she permitted.

Peggy was surprised at how fast 6 p.m. had rolled around. She had only been to the hair and nail salon, because apparently her paint job wasn't good enough either. When she considered the long wait periods it seemed to all round out in her head.

She now sat nervously next to Tony as they drove to the Avenger’s tower.

“You look nice by the way. Have I said that? The blue is a nice touch.”

“Thank you. This all feels so—so

“Scary?” Tony offered.

“That’s one way of putting it. How do you know he’ll be home? What if he’s out? What if he just wants to be alone, Anthony?”

“Did you really think I’d leave him not being home to chance? I got a little help from Sam. He kept him out and occupied most of the day. When I swoop in and suggest we all go out for dinner he’ll never suspect a thing.”

“Is that something you all do often?”

“No. Only once actually,” Tony answered as he recalled their sad dinner at some fast food joint after their first fight as a team.

“Listen Aunt Peggy, it’s going to be okay. I’ve never seen you so bothered before.”

She didn’t miss the teasing tone in his voice but she held her tongue.

Tony guided her into the building, careful to keep her back if he sensed movement up ahead.

If Peggy wasn’t so on edge herself, she would have laughed.

“I’m supposed to wait in his room?” She asked as he started to leave her.

“Yes, we went over this. He’s down in the gym according to Natasha. I’ll send him up and then bam!”

“ _Bam_?” She arched a brow at him.

“Yeah, you pop out, and well the rest is up to the two of you. I don’t want to think about your _reunion_.”

Tony made a face and Peggy shook her head disapprovingly.

“Well, shoo, let’s get this done.” She motioned for him to leave as she turned the knob.

_

Tony was waiting in the kitchen when Sam and Steve joined him.

“Well gentleman I can work miracles but the restaurant will still turn Captain America away on his birthday if he shows up in sweats.”

“What happened to the fireworks?” Sam joked as he smacked Steve’s arm.

Steve chuckled along although the memory was anything but funny to him.

“Dinner huh?” Steve asked as he wiped his forehead with the towel that was around his neck.

“Aw c’mon. I’ve already made reservations. Shower, dress and let’s go. You can’t back out of this Steve.”

“I really appreciate it, Tony, but—

“Come on Steve, It is your birthday man.”

“Tony _and_ you agreeing? Yeah, must be a special day after all.” Steve shook his head jokingly.

“Alright, I give in.” He threw up his hands in mock surrender and headed in the direction of his room.

“You two just had to work out right before we go out to dinner?” Tony asked, mindful to keep his voice down.

“I can’t stop the guy,” Sam shrugged.

Tony didn’t want to picture the catastrophe that would play out any minute.

“What’s the big deal?” Sam asked, as he began to look at Tony skeptically.

“Nothing, nothing.” Tony sighed.

It was too late to do anything now.

_

Peggy was grateful that Steve had white curtains that allowed the remaining sunlight to peak through. His room was plainly decorated. He only had a desk, bed and dresser.

She didn’t know what she expected it to look like, but she at least thought there would be some artwork. _Did he still sketch?_ She wondered.

She spotted his shield propped against the foot of his bed. She bent down to touch it.

It felt cool and solid beneath her fingertips. The impression of bullets caused a memory to resurface.

She remembered him hiding behind it. She remembered that she had shot at him three times. What had caused the scene though?

She frowned disappointingly at the fragmented memory. She knew she’d never harm Steve.

Just as she was beginning to straighten up she heard the door begin to open.

Panic seized her and she was just barely able to hide. Ready or not, this was it.

Steve opened the door and let the towel drop to the floor. He was about to lift his shirt when an odd feeling overcame him.

He turned and looked around. Nothing appeared out of the ordinary but the feeling didn’t go away.

His guard was up and he eyed his shield. He started to go for it when he saw something move out of the corner of his eye.

“That won’t be necessary,” Peggy said as she stepped into his line of vision.

She couldn’t help herself really and now that she had moved, she regretted it; this was already starting off wrong.

Steve took an involuntary step back and gulped, which only made his already dry throat feel even more parched.

He couldn’t think straight and didn’t know what to say.

Right before his eyes stood Peggy. _His_ Peggy. Who, as far as he was concerned, was killed in action.  

Peggy felt almost as speechless but one look at his face and she knew he wasn’t going to utter a word.

“Breathe, please.” She pleaded as she hesitantly reached out for him.

His eyes immediately went to her hand and he did remember to force air into his lungs.

His instincts told him to pull away, yell, run, just do _something_ but he couldn’t.

As her hand closed around his wrist she felt warm and real.

And then his common sense kicked in.

He jerked away and put more distance between them, almost stumbling on one of his shoes in the process.

Pain stabbed at Peggy’s heart but she tried to mask it. She knew it wasn’t personal or at least that’s what she told herself.

“Steve, it’s alright. I apologize for scaring you.”

Her voice sounded so believable too.

Steve shook his head; he had to be imagining this.

He had so many questions. How was she alive? What was she doing here? How did she get in his room? How did she even know that _he_ was alive?

And then he connected the dots and was convinced that somehow this had Tony written all over it. For a brief moment he suspected Hydra but if that were true he was sure he’d be fighting for his life right now.

That thought conjured memories of the first time he saw Bucky after the fall but he couldn’t dwell on that.

Peggy hadn’t said another word.

Her hands hung limp at her sides but she tried to keep her expression calm and neutral. She was afraid might further upset him. Oh, how she wished she knew what to do to make it all better.

“How?” He managed to choke out at last.

After all this time, that was the first thing he said to her. Peggy felt a bit of anger rise but she extinguished it.

“Perhaps you should have a seat.”

“No,” his voice was clearer now. “Answer the question.”

Peggy wasn’t used to his assertive tone especially not directed at her. She cocked her head to the side, puzzled.

“I think it would go over better if you were sitting.”

He tore his eyes from her warm brown ones and headed for the door.

Peggy was too stunned to go after him.

She opened her mouth to call out to him but closed it back.

Feeling completely heartbroken, she slumped down onto his bed and used everything in her not to cry or yell out in a fit of rage.

 _She wouldn’t push him_ , she told herself. No matter how much it tore her up inside, she’d never force his hand.

Steve took the stairs down two at a time. He was furious with Tony and with himself for walking away. This was the second time he had left her and this time felt worse, at least he had an excuse before. He placed the blame on his anger, deciding that he’d rather unload on Tony than her. Still, he couldn’t shake the crushed look in her eyes as he turned his back.

“Stark!” His voice boomed as he rounded the corner to the kitchen.

Tony stopped mid-sentence.

“You’re not dressed.” Natasha pointed out, slightly annoyed that she had bothered to get dressed while the birthday boy was obviously taking his sweet time.

“There’s no dinner is there, Tony?”

“Of course there is bud. What’s the hold up, all your evening wear still at the cleaners?” Tony tried to joke.

Steve clinched his jaw and Tony knew that he knew.

Natasha dropped the carrot she had been nibbling on and stared back and forth between them. There was suddenly heavy tension in the air.

“Steve?” She called.

“Nat, could we have the room?” He asked in reply.

She started to protect about missing her free meal but didn’t. With a confused glare directed at Tony, she left them.

“I can explain.” The words left Tony’s lips as soon as Natasha was out of sight.

“Go on.” Steve said tightly.

“First, happy birthday. Where are my manners today? Second, what exactly happened up there?”

Steve scoffed.

“Drop the dumb act, Tony.”

“No, seriously. Where is she? What did _you_ do?”

Tony looked past Steve’s shoulders but it was clear Peggy didn’t follow him.

Instantly thinking Steve had upset her, the need to defend her rose within him.

“What did you do?” He repeated.

“You’ve got some nerve, Tony, I mean really. You’re accusing me when you’re the guilty one!” Steve took a step forward, poking him in the chest.

Not one to back down, Tony held eye contact as if nothing happened.

“If you’ve hurt her in any way---

“Stop Tony. I’m warning you, just stop.” Steve said, trying to get some control over himself as his fist itched to hit something.

As pissed as he felt, he didn’t want to physically fight Tony.

“What did you say to her?” Tony pushed.

“Tony…”

“Be mad at me all you want. I can take it, but no one messes with Aunt Peggy.”

 _Aunt Peggy?_ Steve had no idea of Tony’s history with her but it made sense that she’d have been involved in his life. He never really sat down and thought about it. He never had to.

It didn’t matter right now.

“You have five seconds to explain to me how in the hell Peggy is upstairs, alive, and well…looking as young as me.”

“Not until you answer my question.” Tony crossed his arms.

Fed up with his stubbornness, Steve gave Tony a powerful shove. Tony was taken back by his strength but not deterred.

Just as he activated his iron hand, Peggy’s voice rang out and both men spun around to look at her like they were scolded children.

With tears in her eyes and a glowering look on her face, she planted herself in between them.

“Stop this madness right now!”

Steve stared at her, his anger simmering and instead being replaced with respect for her just like the first time he saw her and she put Hodge in his place. He never thought he’d be on the receiving end of one of her deadly looks though.

“This was obviously all a mistake. Anthony and I are leaving now.”

“Aunt Peggy,”

“No.” Peggy shook her head firmly.

“Peggy,” Steve whispered softly.

He deeply regretted his initial reaction. He hated himself for choosing to pick a fight over her.

“No,” her voice was low and it cracked slightly as she struggled to stay strong.

She knew she couldn’t look at him.

She grabbed Tony’s hand and pulled him away.

Steve didn’t follow. He stood there watching them go as his heart dropped to his stomach.

“Steve, what just happened?”

He turned his head to see Natasha and Sam standing behind him.

Had they saw everything?

He gave them an unreadable look and stalked past them.

It was nothing but silence during the ride home for Peggy and Tony too.

He had tried to explain but Peggy shut him down once and he didn’t try again after that.

As soon as the door closed behind them, Peggy picked up the first thing in sight, a porcelain vase, and smashed it against the wall.

Pepper screamed as she rushed downstairs. She looked on, feeling horrified, as Peggy proceeded to wreak havoc on whatever she could destroy and Tony said nothing.

“Tony!” Pepper called out, desperately wanting him to do something.

He just shook his head.

“You should have bloody left me dead, Anthony!” Peggy shouted.

Pepper gasped softly. Tony felt like someone had just ripped out his heart and then set fire to it.

“Aunt Peggy,”

“No,” She stepped away from him, backing herself up towards the stairs.

“Did it ever occur to you what this would do to me? To Steve? Did you think about it at all?”

He didn’t answer. He didn’t have to.

Silence fell again. Pepper took in the mess in her living room, avoiding the distraught Peggy and Tony. She occupied herself as she began to pick up the larger broken pieces.

Tony stared down at his feet. For the first time, he was close to admitting he should have left well enough alone.


	8. After the storm

Steve shouldn’t have been startled when he heard three soft knocks at his door but he was and his heart jumped at the sound. Blowing out a quick breath, he slipped his worn compass into the top drawer of his dresser and went to open it.

Leaning against the opposite wall wearing an expression that was both neutral and sympathetic was Natasha.

“I thought you might need someone to talk to and well it’s still you birthday. You can at least blow out your fucking candle.” She said with a smile that she hoped put him at ease.

She lifted the small plate towards him and used the lighter to light the single candle.

Steve looked from the flickering flame to her, thanking her with his eyes; he took it and blew it out.

“Happy Birthday to me,” He said to himself. “Thanks Nat.”

He went back inside and left the door open as he took a seat at his desk. Natasha helped herself to a spot at the edge of his bed and tucked one leg underneath her.

“So…”

“You’ve changed your clothes.” Steve interjected in hopes to delay the inevitable questions he knew she had and would no doubt ask.

She smirked at him, shaking her head.

“What happened, Steve, really?”

He shrugged, swiping some icing with his finger and tasting it.

It was almost too sweet but he swallowed it anyway.

“Would you believe me if I said I didn’t know?”

“Maybe if you elaborate.”

All Steve could think was Peggy was supposed to be dead. He had read the file; Phillips had signed it himself so he had no reason to believe they had doctored it. He had visited her grave, placed flowers against her headstone, cried over the chance they’d never get.

 _She was supposed to be dead_. That was a fact; that wasn’t a question, it wasn’t up for debate.

But she had been here in his very room in the flesh. Talking, walking and alive and she _touched_ him. And he wanted to melt underneath her hold. Erase the doubts in his the mind and forget how unfeasible the situation was and just allow himself to be completely absorbed by her.

Because he was who he was, because he had questions and things did not add up in the slightest bit, he fought it. He had to know the truth before anything else. Even if that meant she’d walk out, even if that meant he hurt her again and that was the last thing he wanted to do.

Natasha was patient as she watched the silent battle play out within Steve. That didn’t last very long because she coughed loudly and commanded his attention.

He blinked blankly and then seemed to focus again.

“Sorry,” he said softly.

“So do you care to elaborate?”

It was a question but he knew Natasha wasn’t asking.

“I don’t know what you want me to say. I don’t know what I can say.”

“Honesty is the best policy or so they say.”

“We fought together.”

“In the war, yes, everyone knows that. Her picture is the first one on the wall of remembrance at S.H.I.E.L.D. I know she was this icon, larger than life, I’ve been told. I know that if she hadn’t died then she would have been right there with Tony’s dad when he started the damn thing. I think---and I could be wrong, but I think she inspired him to not give up on it even in his darkest moment.”

Steve didn’t know she knew that much. He should have known better though; Nat always did her homework.

“That’s the thing though, Steve, She’d dead or she was before today. So how is that she was here, don’t tell me she was frozen too.”

“I doubt it.” Steve said honestly. “Truth is I have no idea how she’s back or why. I’m pretty sure Tony has the answers though.”

“Of course Tony does. But you two…I’m not blind, Rogers.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

And suddenly Steve felt like he was back in his own time period, being grilled by Bucky and the Commandos about his and Peggy’s relationship. He denied it always, even to his best friend. He cared too much to see her become a joke especially at his expense. Although he knew the fellas weren’t like that, it didn’t matter. He wasn’t gonna risk it.

He wasn’t going to now either. Whatever Natasha thought she knew then that’s all it would ever be.

“You two did more than fight together, right? You dated? You loved her?”

“We were good friends. She saw me when I wasn’t me---when I wasn’t like this. Other than that,” he shrugged. “That was frowned upon.”

“Cut the crap, this is me you’re talking to, Steve. You don’t have to say it but know that I _know_. I mean are you forgetting the Winter Soldier thing? It wasn’t that long ago and I saw how much that affected you. So excuse me if I’m having a hard time buying the _she was just an old friend act_.”

Steve met her eyes numbly. This wasn’t his first time having this conversation and now he was pretty sure it wouldn’t be his last.

Natasha scoffed and mumbled something he didn’t understand in Russian.

“You’re going to sit up here and waste away in your room then? You’re not gonna go after her or Tony and demand some answers? C’mon, Steve, this is not you. For as long as I've known you, you've never shied away from a fight.”

“Maybe you don’t know me as well as you think.” He challenged.

And that hurt Natasha more than she’d ever admit. Out of all the Avengers with the exception of Clint, she felt closest to Steve even with his many walls; hell she had her own. That’s why she thought they got along so well.

Not one to show all her cards, she lifted her chin and looked him square in the eyes.

“People don’t get a second chance every day. You’re lucky enough to have this, whatever it is. Don’t piss it away because you’re too stubborn.”

With that she rose from the bed and was beginning to walk away.

“Where’s Banner anyhow? Do you even know?”

Steve didn’t know why he let the words leave his mouth. Her words had stung and he reacted in the worst was possible; that was why. But a part of him did feel like she was being a hypocrite. She hadn’t even tried to find the guy as far as he knew. So who was she to give him advice?

Natasha bit her cheek and didn’t turn around. If she did, he might have saw through her failing poker face.

“Enjoy the rest of your birthday.” Was all she muttered before slamming the door behind her.

He squeezed his eyes shut at the sound, the noise vibrating much louder against his sensitive ears. _She had let him off easy_ , he thought.

_

The room was quiet aside from Steve’s heavy breathing and the sound of his fist pummeling the punching bag until it finally caved and he grabbed another. He didn’t know how long he stayed down there; time didn’t really matter.

He was just grateful for the brief distraction from his heart and thoughts.

He didn’t hear the door open or the footsteps that followed until someone threw a towel at him.

Confused, he looked down at the fallen item and then he eyed Sam standing a few feet in front of him.

“Figured you could use that,” Sam nodded towards it as he steadied the swinging punching bag.

“Wanna go again?”

Wordlessly Steve lifted his hands and struck the bag.

Sam didn’t protest against the impact even though his arms were screaming at him; he knew Steve needed to let whatever it was eating away at him out. He also knew that this new thing wasn’t so new after all. He wondered just how long the man had been carrying such a heavy burden. Since the ice? Maybe even before then. For the first time, he pitied his friend.

Steve felt the bag preparing to give and he eased up for Sam’s sake. He didn’t want to accidentally strike him.

Sam was grateful as he dropped his hands and allowed it to fall on its own. Steve began to remove the tape and gloves. He then picked up the towel and wiped his face.

“Feel better? Want a beer?”

Steve started to shake his head, he couldn’t get drunk but maybe somehow he could convince himself otherwise.

“Sure,” Steve answered.

Once they were in the kitchen and the air conditioning was cooling Steve’s sweaty skin, Sam slid a bottle of beer across to him.

Steve grabbed it, popped it open and downed it like it was nothing.

Sam gave an amazed chuckle before taking a sip from his own bottle.

“So…”

“So,” Steve repeated.

“That was the great Peggy Carter huh? Or is it Agent Carter?”

“Yes,” Steve didn’t see the point in denying something Sam already knew.

“With Tony? He called her Aunt right? Didn’t know they were related.”

Steve sighed. Apparently no one was willing to drop this topic tonight.

“She knew Howard. We both did.”

“Right, right, from the war?”

“Yup,” Steve motioned for another beer and Sam obliged.

Sam didn’t point out of the obvious, like Natasha did, but Steve knew he wanted to.

“Hmm,” was all Sam said next.

He suspected that Steve was fighting with himself enough so he didn’t see the point in making the situation worse. He inquired just enough to let him know that he was there and left the rest up to Steve.

“Some Fourth of July huh? I almost miss the fireworks.”

That brought a grin to Steve’s lips, “Me too.”

“Til' next year right?” Sam held his bottle out for Steve to clink and Steve touched his bottle to his.

They continued to drink in silence until Steve polished off most of the 6 pack. He excused himself to go take a much needed shower. As he was leaving the kitchen, he made out the time, 12:01 a.m.

_

Peggy didn’t think it was possible for her eyes to feel so tender and sore when she woke up the next morning.

She placed a hand over them, blocking the sunlight, as she shuffled into the bathroom. Not bothering to turn on the light, she turned on the water and splashed it against her face. The coolness gave her a small reprieve from the pain.

As much as she wanted to fight it, her mind drifted back to the previous day. Her excitement that tumbled into heartbreak, her mini explosion in the living room; it all came back with a vengeance.

She gritted her teeth and bit down until the pain won the battle against her mind. She suspected that she tasted blood in her mouth. Did she even bleed? She wondered.

She lifted a finger and dabbed it delicately against her inner lip, when she withdrew it she could see a dark stain against her fingertip. Apparently she bled something.

She moved away from the sink and turned on the shower. She stepped underneath the head and tried her best to will her problems, her entire existence even, down the drain. Unfortunately that wasn’t possible.

_

Tony awoke to an empty bed. That didn’t surprise him; he had gone to bed alone too. After cleaning up as best she could, Pepper had packed an overnight bag and left without saying much. He knew she needed a break; he just prayed she would return.

He found himself making a cup of coffee and then spitting it out as it burned his tongue.

“Shit,” He cursed, dropping the whole mug into the sink and watching the dark liquid disappear down the drain.

“Perhaps you should have waited until it cooled down or added a few ice cubes. Remember how much you hated hot chocolate unless it had ice in it?” Peggy mused as she appeared by his side.

He hadn’t even heard her come in.

“I was pretty helpless without you.” Tony joked.

“You were only five, Tony.”

He stared at her for half a minute as she retrieved a new mug and filled it. She placed four ice cubes into it and stirred before handing it to him.

This was definitely different compared to yesterday. She was so cold, so angry, so hurt although understandably so. He feared she’d never want anything to do with him.

“I figured you’d be gone.” He confessed.

She gave him a merciful smile.

“Where to? I suppose London is always an option. I suspect that it’d be quite foreign to me now.”

“It’s your home.”

Peggy shook her head.

“Home is here, Anthony. With you…you’re stuck with me until---you're just stuck with me.”

He didn’t like the pause she gave him but he sipped on his lukewarm beverage.

“I’m sorry about yesterday, about everything. I didn’t have the right to do any of this.”

“No, you didn’t but what’s done is done.” Peggy shrugged simply.

“You don’t wanna throw a plate at me?”

“I apologize for my outburst.”

"Water under the bridge. All of that can be replaced, some things can't be. You hungry?”

She wasn’t but she knew he was extending an apologetic olive branch so she couldn't deny him.

“Have a seat, I’ll make something.”

“I could do it actually.”

“Nonsense, you’re the guest.”

Peggy wanted to protest his offer because while he was skilled at many of things, she feared cooking wasn’t one of them. She wasn’t the best herself but she could make a few things without burning down the kitchen or at least she could before.

“Together then?” She suggested.

“Okay.”

Peggy whisked a few eggs together while Tony buttered a few slices of bread. There was a happy air of quietness between them; it made both their hearts feel at ease even if only momentarily.

Once the omelets and toast were done, they sat at the dining table.

Peggy paused from nibbling at her bread when Tony asked her a question.

“Do you want to see him again?”

 _Yes_ , her heart answered seconds before her mind.

“I think it’s best if we leave the ball in his court, Anthony.”

“Sometimes guys need a shove in the right direction. Speaking from experience.”

“Perhaps but it won’t come from me nor you.”

“Yes ma’am.” Tony said and meant it, well for the time being.

“Is Pepper still in bed?”

“No, she’s probably been up for hours. She’s not here though.”

Peggy’s eyes dropped down to her plate sadly.

“It’s not your fault. This one is on me, all of it is.”

It was true but Peggy couldn’t help but to feel partially responsible. Her show last night certainly couldn’t have helped things.

“I hope she comes back.”

“You and me both.” Tony agreed before biting into his omelet.


	9. Hello again, my Darling part 1

“Darn it, Buck,” Steve uttered the words to himself as he dropped his head, lowering the photo he was staring at as he did so.

It was one from the war, him in his Captain America suit minus the helmet and Bucky standing beside him, somehow making his own gear look like casual attire.

He could recall taking it; they had been discussing plans for their next mission when Bucky whispered something in his ear about Peggy.

Steve couldn’t help but to jerk his head up at the mention of her name, searching for her face only to be filled with disappointed when he realized his best friend was pulling his leg. Bucky smacked him jokingly on the back and Steve had tried to smile to hide his mild embarrassment. The next thing he knew, there was a flash and there stood Howard not too far off having just captured the moment.

He wished Bucky was here; the real Bucky and not the one who had his mind scrambled by Hydra and was now God knows where. The one who would fend off bullies that Steve religiously started a fight with because he was too damn heroic for his own good. The only family he had left after he had buried both his parents.

Hell, he wouldn’t mind if Howard was alive as well. For Tony’s sake if nothing else.

That was the thing about life, you could wish for things and if you were lucky, you might even get it. The only thing is it might not be what you wanted after all.

He sighed, slipping the worn photo back into his pocket.

He didn’t know what he was doing out here in his sorry disguise in the form of a black cap and denim jacket standing over the bridge.

He had hoped he’d find some clarity; that God would have mercy on him and drop down some sort of guide. It didn’t come. He already knew that wasn’t how the man upstairs worked but he had prayed he’d be wrong.

He removed the hat and ran his hand through his hair, thinking again on how things would play out if he had Bucky to talk to.

He’d probably tell him to stop being such a punk and go get his girl. Scratch that, that’s exactly what the other man would say only he’d toss in a few expletives too.

He laughed genuinely despite the sadness he felt at the loss of his friend, twice over, and Peggy.

They had both been anchors in his life for different reasons. They both loved him and he them.

And like Bucky, Peggy had come back.  And deep down it’s what he feared, Bucky had come back and he wasn’t Bucky at all.

For a split second he had been, but then he was gone without a trace the next. He didn’t know if he had it in him to go down that road only to discover Peggy wasn’t _his_ Peggy.

Of course it helped that Tony was behind her reappearance and not Hydra, how much it helped though was yet to be determined.

He was wasting his time out here. Stuck in between the past and the present, desperately wanting to go back and somehow learn to move on at the same time.

If he was going to get some answers he knew what he had to do. The question was, did he want to do it?

_

He watched Tony get out of his car with more urgency in his step than he had seen before. The man rushed for no one other than himself or so Steve had once thought.

He straightened up in his seat to prepare himself for the conversation.

“I sure as hell didn’t expect a text from you. Not one so pleasant anyway and wow, I didn’t think someone your age could type so well.”

“Nice to see you too, Tony.” Steve replied dryly.

“I’m screwing with you, Steve, lighten up.”

“I believe I owe you an apology. There was no need for me to get violent with you.”

Tony waved off the apology.

“No harm, no foul. I guess I finally saw your bad side.”

“Yeah,” Steve quietly agreed just as the waitress approached their table and asked for their drink order.

Steve chose water and Tony declined. Both men knew this “meeting” wouldn’t be long.

“Might as well cut to the chase huh?” Tony pulled back his jacket and dug into his inner pocket for his phone.

Steve watched curiously as he tapped the screen a few times and then slid the device in front of him.  

“I trust that you’ll find some answers.”

Steve said nothing as he picked up the phone and began to thumb through the photo album.

He wasn’t sure what he was looking at. The words hadn’t made things much clearer either.

Synthetic technology, photos of sketches of what appeared to be a woman, more sketches that were more defined.

“What does this have to do with---

And then he froze.

Peggy was…was he trying to say…

“Just spit it out Tony.”

Steve wanted to hear it from the man. He wanted it explained to him instead of trying to piece together the puzzle Tony shoved in front of him.

Tony huffed out a breath of air.

“I think it’s pretty obvious,” Tony held up the phone for added emphasis before returning it to his pocket.

“I think you have a mouth, Tony, and you’ve never shied away from using it before.” Steve tossed back, unwilling to back down.

The waitress smiled and sat the glass of ice water down and left them alone again. Steve thanked her as she went but didn’t reach for it.

“What do you want me to say?”

“The truth. You do know what that is, right?”

Tony thought of Peggy and told himself not to reply with a smart remark. _Cheeky_ is what she’d call it.

Steve did deserve the truth and Tony was the only one to offer it to him. However, he couldn’t help but to fear that his explanation would do little to truly describe what she was.

Technically, she wasn’t human, but when he spoke to her, hugged her, she was _herself_. He would defend that like his life depended on it too.

And what if the truth turned Steve away? What if he was so disgusted that he’d want nothing to do with Peggy? What would he do then, how could he possibly fix that?

“Tony?”

“Yeah, yeah I know what the truth is.” Tony answered, shaking his thoughts away.

For Peggy’s sake he hoped what he was about to say didn’t have any adverse consequences.

He cleared his throat and as simply as he could, he told Steve all about how Peggy came back.

Steve handled it better than Tony initially assumed he would. He listened attentively and patiently, nodding his head when Tony would ask if he understood something he had just said.

“That’s everything.”

Steve nodded once more, his mind processing what it had just been told.

After everything he had seen in his life, the news shouldn’t surprise him. He had seen things that should have been impossible, that _were_ impossible until it was staring him right in the face.

Peggy wasn’t Peggy yet she was.

How was he supposed to feel about that?

“Listen, you saw her. You know she’s not some walking, talking piece of metal. She’s real, as real as she’ll ever get. She’s her, Steve. She is.”

Steve could see the desperate look in Tony’s eyes that screamed at him to believe him.

He didn’t have to do that though. Even if it didn’t seem plausible, even if his mind couldn’t quite grasp the idea completely, he believed enough. Peggy was back; she was _alive_ again and so was he.

Black and white, stripped down to those few facts, that’s all that mattered.

He knew that in his bones, that was all that mattered, yet it couldn’t be so simple could it?

No, life never was.

“Can I see her?” Steve asked hesitantly as if he feared if he sounded too optimistic, something would come crashing down and this small chance of hope would be snatched away.

“It depends, you going to walk out on her again?”

“She left.”

“After _you_ did. She told me about it but she didn’t need to. It was pretty obvious when you came raging downstairs and she was nowhere to be seen.”

“I wasn’t thinking.”

“Bullshit, that’s my line not yours.” Tony scoffed.

He knew he should be happy that Steve hadn’t told him to fuck off and wiped his hands of him and the new Peggy yet he couldn’t help but to feel protective of her. He wanted this to work but he wanted her happy above all else, he realized.

“I didn’t react ideally. I’d like the chance to tell her that and to just talk to her. Like I should’ve in the first place.” Steve replied.

Natasha had been right, the metaphorical Bucky was too; this was his second shot damn it and he didn’t want to let his fears swipe it away from him.

“I can ask her. I know you know Aunt Peggy well enough to know that you don’t speak on her behalf. I’ll work out the details and get back to you.”

“You’re banking on her saying yes.” Steve couldn’t help but to smile though. He was beginning to think this might actually be the beginning of _something_.

“Course I am. She’ll say yes but don’t tell her I said that. I’ll see you, Rogers.”

“Tony,” Steve tugged his cap a little tighter on his head and took a sip of his water that was now slightly warmer as he watched Tony depart.

_

It had been a week. Steve didn’t know if Tony wanted to purposely make him squirm or if it had been Peggy’s idea to wait.

What he did know was he was on pins and needles during the last seven days. He hadn’t gone on any morning jogs with Sam, opting to get up earlier and go at it alone. He avoided Natasha and her questioning stare whenever he could. And every night before he managed to drift off, he sent up a silent prayer over whatever was planned for him and his best girl.

_

True to his word, Tony had reached out to him to make arrangements at a small restaurant in town. He promised it’d be very private and to not bother with the pathetic baseball cap. He hadn’t fooled anyone in a long time with it.

Steve waited impatiently tapping his foot under the table in the secluded area in the back of the fine establishment. Thanks to Tony, he had a bottle of wine in his company that he was sure would go untouched.

_

Peggy suspected something was up when Tony insisted they go to a new restaurant for dinner. She grew even more suspicious when he declined her suggestion to invite Pepper along.

“Anthony,” Peggy called, tearing her eyes away from the window and over to him.

“Yes ma’am?”

“This seems awful fancy for the two of us. What is it you’re not telling me?”

Tony looked deeply offended by her question.

“Is it so wrong that I want to take my aunt out somewhere nice?”

“Wrong, perhaps not, but---

“Will you just come on and try to have a nice time?”

“Watch your tone,” She warned as she unbuckled her seat belt.

“Sorry,” He muttered, feeling like a child. The feeling was starting to become common it seemed.

He opened the door for her and she reluctantly accepted his hand as she got out of the car.

“Loosen up, will ya?” Tony asked as the front door was held open for them.

He nodded his head in gratitude.

Peggy wanted to elbow him in his side for being so calm while she was internally on edge. This was only the second time she had been out in public and she felt as though she was on display.

The rational part of her brain reminded her that she wouldn’t be so easily recognized for she had been gone for quite some time. Still, she worried someone would pop up any moment and ask if she was Peggy Carter.

“I’m going to go to the bathroom but this lovely woman here,” he paused to motion for the brunette to step forward, “will take you to our table.”

“It will be my pleasure.” The woman smiled brightly at them.

Peggy nodded.

“Thank you.” She said kindly to the woman as she followed her.

“Enjoy your date.” The woman held out her arm, guiding Peggy.

Peggy was about to open her mouth and chastise her greatly for assuming her and Tony were here together when suddenly someone else came into her view.

The words died before they could escape her lips and she missed the look of confusion on the other woman’s face just as she left.

Peggy swallowed. Sitting not four steps away from her was Steve.

He was watching her too, silently, anxiously. He had enough sense to stand to his feet and pull out her chair.

“Peggy, hi,” He said softly with a smile.

She blinked, her heart squeezing at the sound of her name on his lips.

“Steve,” She whispered more so to herself than him.

_To be continued_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I'm evil for the cliffy. Don't kill me please.


	10. Hello again, my Darling part 2/2

For the first time since her reawakening, Peggy’s movements were more robot like than human as she made her way to the seat Steve pulled out. If he noticed, his eyes gave nothing away. He simply gave her a quick nod before heading back to his side.

Peggy was on edge the first time she saw him but even more so now. Now, she knew how it felt to be rejected by Steve and she wasn’t quite over that sting. She didn’t like being set up for a potential second one without having time to prepare herself. She vowed to have a _talk_ with her nephew about that later.

“This is all Anthony’s idea I presume?” She forced her voice to remain even and calm as she spoke.

“Yes, the restaurant at least; I asked to see you.”

“You did?”

Steve didn’t understand the look of shock on her face at first and then he remembered how much of an ass he had been.

“I wanted to apologize about before. I’d say it wasn’t you, not like you might think, and that’s the honest to God truth, Peggy, but I don’t want to take such a cheap cop-out.”

Peggy laughed softly. That was such a Steve thing to say.

“Hmm, it’s nice to see you haven’t changed. Apology accepted, it wasn’t very fair of us to surprise you like that. I think it’s only right that I tell you sorry for my part in the whole ordeal.”

He smiled too at her words and then shook his head shyly.

“You gotta just let me apologize, Peggy.”

“Oh, right, well forget I said anything in that case.”

“Aren’t we something else,” Steve remarked.

Peggy liked the sound of that, _we_ , Steve and her; it helped quiet some of the butterflies fluttering around in her stomach.

“I’d like to think so.” Peggy whispered back sincerely.

Steve wasn’t used to this side of her. She had let her guard down around him and the fellas; he took delight in knowing that she had allowed herself to be more vulnerable with him than anyone else, too. But to see her so visibly worried about all of this made him want to reach out and wrap her in his arms and reassure her that it was all okay. The selfish part of him almost needed to do it for both of them.

“Pegg—

“Did he tell you, Anthony?”

“Tell me what?”

Peggy’s eyes fell briefly into her lap before meeting his again.

“About me, Steve.”

“Yeah.”

Peggy wanted to scoff at how simple his answer sounded. _Yeah_ , was that all he had to say? Wasn’t he afraid or disgusted? Insulted as well perhaps? She had thought all three of those things about herself at one point.

“It’s not normal. I’m not normal.” She blurted out.

“You do know you’re speaking to a guy who was scientifically enhanced, right? I’m not exactly normal either.”

“Steve! It’s not the same.”

“How is it not? I was stick-thin, asthmatic---

“I remember your file. I don’t need a reminder.”

Not just the file, but the visual of him. Steve, at first glance looked like he could barely support the weight of his head let alone his entire body but he never let his size excuse him. His heart made up for what he physically lacked and when Peggy saw him dive on top of the grenade back at Camp Lehigh, she never doubted Dr. Erskine’s decision again.

“You do?”

“What?” Peggy looked at him, confusing replacing her anger.

“My file, you remember it? Tony mentioned your memory is…selective.”

 _Of course he did_ , she thought.

“It’s intact for the most part. Some things just don’t connect though.”

He knew they were changing the subject and Steve didn’t want to just yet but he also didn’t want to see her tear herself down, no matter what form she was in. So he allowed the switch for now.

“What do you remember?”

He wanted to ask what she remembered about him, about their time together, but he’d let her share whatever she felt like without further prompting from him.

Peggy took a quick breath. She was still frustrated but she thought on his question.

“I—I remember you diving for the grenade. I was angry because I was about to do the same thing and you beat me to it but then it just showed me how brave you were. Then I kicked myself for being like the rest and judging you based on your appearance. I should have known better not to. I remember the cab ride before you received the serum.”

Peggy left out how she wanted to knock together someone’s skull when she feared it would kill him until he shouted that he was alright and for Howard to continue.

“What else?” He knew he had just told himself he wouldn’t push her but he felt compelled to hear more.

“I remember shooting you or at you rather. I don’t know why though.”

Steve groaned inwardly, of all the things she could have forgot, that might have been one he was okay with.

“I deserved it.” He told her.

“Did you, why?”

“I did something I shouldn’t have. Said some things too.”

“Oh?” Peggy raised her brow in surprise, “Feel free to share with the rest of the class.”

He sighed. Of course she wouldn’t let it go now.

“Do you really want to know?”

“Do you want me to tell you how stupid that question is?”

“I believe you just did.”

“Steve, _please_.”

“You saw me kissing Lorraine and got upset.”

Peggy frowned as a petite blonde with a shade of red lipstick, that was similar to her own but a tad too light, appeared in her mind. She didn’t interrupt Steve though.

“It wasn’t what it looked like. She kissed me but I guess I wasn’t exactly pushing her away. I didn’t expect it. You happened to come get me at that time and well, you weren’t quiet about letting me know how you felt.”

Peggy nodded, it sounded like something she’d do.

“I didn’t understand why you were so angry. I didn’t get why you’d be jealous—but then I accused you and Stark of having fondue and—

“ _Fondue_?” Peggy interjected.

Steve wanted to disappear.

“Yes, I thought it meant something else. Anyways, we got to Stark and I asked your opinion about what would be my shield and you shot at me.”

“Hold on one moment, what did you think it meant?”

Steve really would have loved if she had forgotten she shot at him entirely. He regretted even asking what she remembered now.

“It doesn’t matter. It was a long time ago, Peggy.” His voice pleaded for her to let it all go.

“It matters to me when I did something and haven’t a clue why.”

“But I told you why.”

“Steve,” She said exasperatedly.

“I thought it meant you two…you know. No, you don’t. Peggy, are you really going to make me say it?”

She could see it was embarrassing him but still was clueless as to why. She felt for him, truly she did, but she had to know. She nodded her head quickly.

“I thought it mean you two had slept together, okay? I’m sorry.”

It wasn’t the first time they had talked about this. It wasn’t the first time he apologized for it either but it was for her.

“Oh, Steve,” She knew how innocent he was but she could hardly believe he’d draw such a silly conclusion, about her and Howard no less.

His ears were beginning to turn red and he nearly blew out a sigh of relief when the waitress appeared.

“Hello, what would you two like this evening?” She asked as she sat down glasses for the wine Steve almost forgot was there.

“Could I have some water instead, please?”

“Of course and for you ma’am?”

“Nothing for me.” Peggy answered as she handed her the menu she never bothered to glance at.

The waitress looked startled but quickly recovered as she accepted it. Steve politely gave his to her too.

“I will be right back with your water, sir.”

“Thank you.”

“I can’t believe you would think such a thing about Howard and me.” Peggy stated. She wasn’t exactly angry but she wasn’t happy to hear it either.

“I didn’t know any better. All I knew is you were accusing me of something and I remembered Howard inviting you out for Fondue on the plane. You didn’t exactly say no to him and well, it got under my skin.”

“You should have thought better of me than that.”

“I did, I _do_ , Peggy. It was something I said out of jealousy. I’d take it back if I could.”

Peggy knew he was telling the truth. She shouldn’t have lashed out on him back then or now, especially since her own jealous and temper started the whole thing. That and Lorraine’s inability to keep her mouth to herself.

“I’m sorry, Steve. I—I guess it felt new to me all over again. Let’s forget about it please.”

“It’s forgotten.” Steve replied quickly, feeling grateful that he was out of the hot seat.

“I remember happier times too believe it or not.”

“Yeah?” Steve asked with a small smile.

“Yes.”

“I remember the first time you held my hand.” She confessed.

“We had just finished the briefing for you and the boy’s next mission. Everyone had cleared out but you were still looking over some things. You always were the first to get there and the last to leave it seemed. I could tell how nervous you were and I told you it’d be alright. Without thinking too much on it, I had touched your hand and then…you wrapped your other one around mines.”

Steve remembered it too. He didn’t know where he had gotten the courage from. Truth be told, he was probably more surprised than her by his actions.

They had prior moments like that. Usually glances where their eyes locked for too long but never long enough to draw suspicion. Sometimes he’d purposely walk a bit closer to her so their arms or hands would accidentally brush against each other. Other times they would hand one another something to enact a similar touch and while brief, it was so precious to them both.

It was the small, rare occurrences that warmed their hearts and fueled their dreams for something real and tangible after the war.

He recalled how confident she appeared when she had spoken to him and he couldn’t help but to be comforted. She always had that effect on him, even if she never said a thing. He had bravely traced his thumb over the delicate skin of her hand before pulling away out of fear that someone might come in and catch them.

He felt unable to speak.

“It’s funny how it meant so much to me. I thought about it when I went to bed that night or tried to. I couldn’t sleep,” She admitted softly, “All I could think about was you and how robbed I felt that we had to keep stealing glances and touches.”

“I felt the same way. Sometimes you had a monopoly on my thoughts, Peggy. What our future could be when everything was over. The only time I was truly able to focus was when we were on a mission because I knew how costly the distraction could be.”

“I’m sorry we never got any of that.”

“It’s not your fault, Steve.”

She had the urge to cry but she fought it. She had shed enough tears to last a million lifetimes.

“Don’t try to make me feel better, Peggy. I could have given you my coordinates or tried to. I had other choices but I didn’t take ‘em. When I woke up all I could think about was you and our date and how you must have hated me for missing it.”

“Never,” She reached across the table for his hand.

He was caught off guard but unlike before he didn’t dare move away. He looked up from her hand on top of his and into those brown eyes he could get lost in for the rest of his life.

“I never blamed you, Steve. You did what you felt was right and you saved lives. You ended the war, Darling.”

“But I left you.”

She closed her eyes briefly as a tear rolled down her cheek.

“What is a broken heart when you think about the alternative?”

“It’s everything to me.” He replied earnestly.

He would never have allowed people to die if he could prevent it but as he said, he had options if only he had tried. He could have saved New York and gotten back to her, he was convinced of that.

Peggy opened her mouth to speak but she suspected only a sob would come out. She closed her mouth and when she tried to pull her hand away, Steve used his free hand to keep it rooted in between both of his.

He stood up, leaned forward and before she could process what he might do next, she felt the weight of his hand disappear and seconds later the same hand was lifting her chin up towards him.

The question forming on the tip of her tongue was silenced when he kissed her. The surprised gasp died in her throat as everything seemed to melt away except the two of them. He deepened the kiss as he thought about the last time their lips had touched, when he had thought it’d be the final time.

He faintly was aware of her caressing his cheek and the sound of her chair sliding back as she stood as well. He yearned to reach for her completely and push the table out of the way but he had just enough self-restraint not to. It took the sound of a sharp inhale followed by glass hitting the floor to break their moment of bliss.

Steve was the first to step away only so he could push Peggy behind him protectively if need be. It wasn’t necessary though; she was prepared to defend herself just fine.

Only there was no threat just a young woman who hadn’t expected to find the two of them locking lips over the table.

“I’m sorry,” she said at last, dropping down to pick up the glass then yelping when it cut her.

“Let me do that,” Steve offered. It wouldn’t hurt him as much and he felt terrible for causing her to drop it in the first place.

“No, no.” She waved him away. This was her job, her very new job that she couldn’t afford to mess up. She could just imagine the earful she’d get if her boss found out she upset Tony Stark’s guests.

“Please forgive me.” She said softly as she carefully began to pick up the pieces.

Peggy looked at Steve who stood there reluctantly watching the scene. She shook her head and approached the girl.

“You’ve nothing to apologize for. We can clean it up.” She placed her hand comfortingly on the woman’s shoulders, causing her to look up at her.

But one thing you didn’t do was question Peggy. So she read the look on her face and nodded.

“Thank you.” She whispered as she started to straighten up, silently praying that they kept this all to themselves and she didn’t get fired.

Without saying anything, Steve and Peggy gathered up the broken glass the best they could and sat the plate that now held it onto their table.

“Maybe we should leave.” Peggy suggested.

Steve nodded, stepping towards her and placing a hand on her back. She smiled to herself at the touch and how normal it all felt. But then she felt her mind drifting, a memory surfacing.

_Suddenly she was walking with Steve to his quarters. He had lost Bucky that day or Barnes as she called him. She had found him in the partially destroyed pub hoping to drink his sorrows away only to discover he couldn’t get drunk._

_He accepted her presence although he didn’t talk much. She understood and allowed him to process his grief however he needed. After some time had passed, she was able to convince him that even a super soldier required sleep and he let her lead him away._

_She had only intended to escort him and then leave. Just as she was about to say goodnight, she gave him a hug. He leaned into her, his hand landing on the middle of her back as he pulled her closer._

_She knew this situation was delicate, that he was entirely too vulnerable and it was up to her to maintain control. She told him it was probably best if she left but he didn’t release her. He only loosened his hold._

_She hadn’t expected to hear him ask her, practically beg her, to stay. She wanted to say no for fear of getting caught but how could she leave him alone when he so clearly needed her? She said yes._

It wasn’t until she felt herself being shaken and heard her name being called that she came back to the present time.

“Are you okay?” Steve asked, looking worried out of his mind.

With sad eyes, she nodded her head and reached for his hand again. She gave him a look that said not to ask and he obliged. Quietly they left, while he wondered what just happened and how he could fix it.


	11. Apologize

Peggy allowed Steve to take the lead once they stepped outside. The sun looked minutes from completely setting and her senses told her the temperature was dropping along with it but she wasn’t cold. Either it was from her own, more advanced body or the heat from holding Steve’s hand; whatever it was, was welcomed and comfortable.

Steve guided her towards his motorcycle and turned around and passed her his helmet. She got the feeling he didn’t use it himself but she accepted it.

“There may be a bit of a problem, Darling.”

“What?” Steve asked with genuine confusion until he followed Peggy’s downward gaze towards her blush colored knee length dress.

“Oh,” Steve whispered feeling a little embarrassed and then mentally chastising himself for not realizing it sooner.

Peggy pitied him but she also wanted to laugh at how seriously concerned Steve suddenly appeared.

“It’s alright, Steve. I suspect I’m not the first girl to ride on a bike in a dress.” She shrugged it off; she wasn’t shy about it anyway.

Steve looked as though he was ready to protest but she gave him a solid push towards the bike before slipping the helmet over her head.

“C’mon soldier.”

He eyed her skeptically and then got on, telling her to hold on tight as she got seated behind him.

He really didn’t have to tell her that. Peggy wasn’t typically scared of much but she had no desire to tumble off the motorcycle either.

She squeezed her thighs against him and wrapped her arms firmly around his front making sure there was absolutely no way he’d doubt she was indeed holding on tight.

He started it up and took off slowly, merging into traffic at just the right time. Peggy laid her head to rest against his back, turning her head to the side so she could sight see. It was mostly a blur as they sped past things at a much faster speed than Tony’s car. Everything began to mix together so she closed her eyes after a while, trying to focus on the moment with Steve and not the noise around them.

Her mind drifted back to her latest memory and she knew in her heart she’d have to share it with Steve. Part of her felt guilty about feeling happy at all about the memory considering the terrible incident that started it, but it was hard to not think positively about any moment she and Steve shared since they had been so rare.

She hummed softly to herself, pushing the thought aside and quieting her mind. Steve hadn’t said a word either but it was alright with her. The silence was comforting.

Her eyes opened once she felt them begin to slow down and go upwards as if they were approaching a drive way. Her heart sunk as she realized they had already made it back to Anthony’s place. Only it wasn’t his house after all.

“I hope this is alright.” Steve said after killing the engine. Peggy moved her eyes from the modest looking home to Steve.

“Is this your place?”

Steve nodded his head.

“Long story short, Howard brought the rights to a whole lot of Captain America merchandise. When I came outta the ice, Tony surprisingly handed the royalties over. I didn’t want the money, didn’t know what to do with it. I did want my own place though so I got this and donated the rest.”

Peggy was so proud of him.

“Well I think it’s lovely.”

“You haven’t even seen the inside yet.” Steve argued playfully.

“Doesn’t matter.” Peggy replied as she removed the helmet and fluffed her hair.

_

Steve held the door as Peggy stepped inside. She assumed there had to be a light nearby and was pleased when her fingers found the switch.

There truly wasn’t much to see. The living room only consisted of a bookshelf and a sofa with a ceiling light.

“I didn’t need much since I technically live at the tower,” Steve spoke up as he shut the door behind them, “It’s more or less an escape.”

“And what are you running from?” Peggy asked.

Steve shrugged one of his shoulders and shook his head, “You first,” he told her.

She didn’t try to play daft about what he was referring to.

He touched her arm gently and nodded towards the black sofa.

She took a seat and the cushion next to her dipped with Steve’s added weight. He put a little space between the two of them and waited until she spoke.

Peggy sighed to herself as she prepared to go back down memory lane to what she was sure was one of the worst days in Steve’s life.

“I’ll apologize before I get started.”

“What for?”

“Let me speak, please.” She said softly, resisting the urge to press a finger to his lips.

“I’m learning that certain things jar a memory for me. Sometimes it happens if I’m talking to someone other times if I see something. Today, with you, it was when you touched me. For some reason it made me think of the day Barnes fell.”

She decided to leave out the part in the pub because she wanted to spare him as much pain as possible.

“You may remember I walked with you to your quarters?”

Steve nodded his head, the memory reappearing in his mind as she continued to talk.

“I suppose my mind wanted to remember the hug I gave you when I was about to leave. The timing couldn’t have been worse but I enjoyed the hug and I don’t regret saying that.”

Steve gave her a small, forced smile, hoping it helped her to feel less guilty.

“I’m sorry, Steve. I wish I had a bit more control over my mind.”

“Nonsense Peggy. You’ve got nothing to say sorry for. It’s okay really.”

Steve wrapped an arm around her and she wasted no time sliding closer to him. He rested his chin atop of her head and just breathed her in. He told his brain not to think of Bucky, the fall and definitely not the Winter Solider.

“Do you know what I like to remember about that day?”

“No, what?” Peggy answered with peaked curiosity.

Steve lowered his hand to her shoulder and rubbed it softly; her soft skin felt wonderful beneath his touch.

“You told me I needed to go to bed. I nearly fell trying to get out of my boots but you sort of pushed me on the edge of the cot and helped me out of them. You were so patient with me, that whole night you were. Then you helped me out of my jacket and told me to lie down. I didn’t want to fall asleep; I thought I couldn’t but well, I didn’t like disobeying your orders.”

“It wasn’t an order, merely a suggestion.” Peggy interjected as she poked his side jokingly.

“If that’s what you wanna call it. I laid back with my eyes opened just staring up. You said something but I didn’t hear it. The next thing I know you removed your own coat and lied down next to me. I swear I didn’t breathe for a solid minute.”

“So dramatic,” Peggy whispered to herself.

“Eventually I did breathe again and you took my hand and placed it across your side. You rested your hand on my chest and it calmed me down. Do you remember that?”

“Yes,” Peggy replied almost immediately as it played out again in her mind.

_She was squished against Steve’s side trying her hardest to not give away how uncomfortable she felt. The cot was just big enough for Steve and she feared with one wrong move, she’d fall right on her arse. Steve seemed oblivious to it and rightfully so, his mind was probably a million miles away on his friend, his brother, who he’d lost. Something made him turn on his side and face her and she was grateful. The gratitude lasted only a minute before she grew uncharacteristically bashful at how close they were._

_It was somehow more intimate than any hug they’d ever shared even the one just minutes ago. Her hand was still on his chest, only now it was awkwardly in the middle of their bodies. He was unsure what do to with his own hand. His face showed that he was wrestling with placing it on her again or perhaps at his side. Peggy mercifully took it again and draped it over her side once more._

_“Better?” She forced herself to ask. Steve nodded._

_His eyes were still red from the tears he shed earlier and just as pitiful. Peggy worried that look would never go away but it would somehow if she had anything to say about it._

_“Rest Steve.” She pleaded gently._

_“Can’t,” He shook his head, looking like he might just cry again._

_Her heart ached for him. She felt awful about Barnes' death as well but nowhere near as bad as Steve. She thought maybe if she brought up Michael it would help, even if it just distracted him for a second, but she selfishly didn’t want to share her own heartbreaking tale._

_“I’ll be right here. I won’t leave. Now please close your eyes, Steve.”_

_He looked down at her, somewhere behind the tears she saw something else but she didn’t dare try to guess what it could be. She held the gaze though; hoping it would help her words sink in._

_He stared at her for a little while longer. Unblinking and making her heart go crazy. Thankfully, he finally squeezed his eyes shut and laid his head against the pillow._

_She exhaled softly, reaching up to run her fingers through his hair. She had laid there until she was sure he was asleep. Then as carefully as she could manage, she got up from the cot and slipped her coat back on. She knew her suit would have wrinkles but it wasn’t anything she could do about it then. She stole a final glance at Steve’s sleeping frame before leaving._

“You left.” Steve said back in present say.

“I couldn’t risk getting caught. I beat myself up about it for a good while if it makes you feel any better.”

“I understood why. I never thanked you for comforting me so, thank you, Peggy.”

“No need to thank me. It was the least I could do.”

“No, you didn’t have to go out and find me. You sure as hell didn’t have to stay with me but you did.”

“It was okay, Steve.”

“Peggy,” Steve said with a sudden seriousness that almost scared her.

She didn’t answer, only sat up so she could meet his eyes.

“I wasn’t sure about it before that night but---would you believe me if I said that’s when I fell in love with you?”

His voice shook as he asked but he forced the words out. The words that they had never exchanged before because nothing was guaranteed back then and there was no need to further get their hopes up when the future wasn’t promised.

Peggy’s eyes widen and she gasped slightly as what he said just hit her.

“ _What?_ ”

“I-–didn’t you hear me?”

“Say it again,” She begged quietly.

His ears turned red and he felt like the skinny, shy Steve all over again.

“I said I loved you. I still do.” He said a lot more firmly the second time.

Peggy’s lips trembled with the rush of emotions that hit her. She yearned to hear those words for so long and now that she did, she wasn’t sure how to react or what to say.

She knew she needed to say it back though; Steve deserved the hear it. Steve broke eye contact with her as her phone began to ring. She frowned as she reached for her purse, pulling the wretched thing out.

“Tony” The caller ID read.

“It’s okay to answer it.” Steve said, crestfallen.

“He can wait.” Peggy placed the device on the opposite side of her and reached for Steve’s face with both hands.

He welcomed the feel of her lips on his as he held onto her waist. Peggy broke the kiss only to say four words.

“I love you too.”

_

They had kissed a bit longer but they both knew that it wouldn’t be long before another interruption came. Tony called again and again until Steve wanted to pick up the phone and chuck it across the room. Thankfully after the fifth call, Peggy gave him an earful before telling him she’d be home.

Steve gave her a ride back and they were both on cloud nine with only a lingering bit of sadness at the thought of parting ways again.

“I’ll call you.” Steve told her as he shoved his hands in his jean pockets, standing just outside Tony’s front door.

“And I’ll hold you to it.” Peggy flashed a smile up at him.

They hugged once more and stole a quick kiss before Tony opened the door looking very much like a father who was waiting up for his daughter to get home from her first date.

“Rogers,” Tony regarded the other man intensely.

“Tony.” Steve nodded towards him before turning away.

“Inside, Anthony,” Peggy glared at him as she pointed towards the inside.

“Am I in trouble?” Tony asked as Peggy closed the door.

“Did you bring me back to try to control every aspect of my life?” Peggy barked at him.

Tony shook his head; that wasn’t what he wanted to do at all.

“Of course not Aunt P---

“Then stop treating me like a bloody child. I’ve been living far longer than you have!”

She didn’t stop to correct herself or point out that she had only been _alive_ for a short period of time now. She was far too annoyed to say anything about it even if she wanted to.

“I just wanted to know where you went. The girl at the restaurant said something about an accident and then you two leaving. I was worried.” Tony began to explain when she gave him a moment to speak.

“There was no accident. She dropped a glass, no big deal. Steve and I went to talk. That is what you brought me back for, correct? Because you wanted us both to be happy.”

“Yes, you know that.”

Tony knew she was right but he didn’t know just how hard it would be to share his aunt Peggy. He didn’t like sharing, especially not the only family he had left.

“Then for the love of God Anthony, just butt out.”

Tony felt crushed.

“Fine!” He raised his voice, surprising them both and then storming off to the comfort of his lab.

Peggy stared after him, only then realizing how harsh she had been with him. He had been trying his best.

“Anthony…” She whispered long after he was gone. She could have gone after him and demanded that he listen to her heartfelt apology. She knew he would have and accepted it. But she didn’t feel as though she deserved to be forgiven. She bit her tongue and went back to her room, feeling like her day had returned to shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My brain is cruel; it apparently has a thing for angst. I'm so sorry.


	12. Chapter 12

Peggy felt terrible as she made her way upstairs that evening. She tossed and turned until she had enough of pretending to sleep. It was daylight when she finally gave up the act; she knew because the sun was shining through her bedroom curtains. As she slipped out of bed, she glanced at the clock. 7:20 A.M. it read.

With a grumpy sigh, she took a quick shower. She didn’t know why since they were no longer entirely necessary, just like eating or sleeping. She supposed it was an old habit from her past life or _present_ one. She was still helplessly confused on the correct terms to use and trying to figure it all out only made it worse.

She turned off the faucets, dried her body and hair and put on a comfy, slightly oversized grey t-shirt and jeggings. She still wasn’t a huge fan of them but she couldn’t deny that they wore better than blue jeans. She didn’t bother much with styling her hair, opting to let it finish air drying and decided it was time to face the music; she had to apologize to Anthony.

It took a few steps to reach his door. She wondered if he had went out. She lifted her hand to give three strong knocks nonetheless.

Nothing.

No sound, no acknowledgement, nothing.

Still, she waited, and gave the door another knock.

It was quiet but she had heard _something_ so she knew he still there.

“Anthony?” She called out, “I know you’re in there, Jarvis told me so,” She fibbed.

Tony ignored her for a while longer. She kept her patience.

After what felt like eternity, it was only three minutes max, Tony slowly opened the door.

“Liar,” he accused. “You don’t talk to Jarvis.”

She couldn’t help but to give him a small smile as she stepped inside.

“Okay, so I didn’t actually ask. It’s strange. He’s not here but he is. Hypocritical of me to say such a thing but I digress.”

Anthony nodded, appearing to not listen but he had heard her perfectly. He turned his attention back out the window, staring without focus out the blinds.

Peggy slowly joined him at his side, taking a deep breath.

“I owe you the world’s biggest apology, Anthony.”

“No you don’t. You were right; I butt in, I ruin lives, I’m a giant ass. I know it.” He stated as if they were true facts.

“You most certainly aren't.” Peggy replied immediately, mindful to keep her tone calm.

The look he gave her, a slight cut of his eyes and then back out the window, said he didn’t believe her.

 _She could kick her own arse_ , she thought. She had planted those seeds there along with other people he cared deeply for. She never wanted to do that.

“Anthony, please. I owe you a great deal of gratitude for everything you’ve done. I won’t lie and say it’s easy. It’s a struggle but I’m used to that; I know how to overcome the impossible. I am happy to be back though, more than not. I appreciate this second chance with you, with Steve. I do, Anthony.”

He gave a slight nod, the words sinking in but not fully.

She reached out and touched his shoulder lightly.

“Why on earth do you think such horrible and untrue things about yourself?” She asked softly, deciding to not make his cry for help about her. She had struck a nerve obviously but it was already struck, she realized.

He shrugged the shoulder she wasn’t touching and glanced down at his feet.

“My old man thought so; everyone always says ‘yeah, he’s Howard’s son alright’ like it’s some insult. I’m not him.”

Peggy’s heart squeezed. She had said the same thing, thought it a dozen times but never genuinely meant any harm by it. They were similar is all.

“Oh, Anthony, Howard wasn’t perfect by any means but he was a good person. He had a big heart and so do you. You share his genius as well and yes, a fair share of not so great qualities of his but so what? No one expects you to be without flaws.”

He scoffed in complete disbelief.

“Pepper’s gone. The one good thing I had going for me and I pushed that away, just like dad did with mom. She should have left him; maybe…maybe she’d have lived.”

“Anthony…” Peggy whispered as he voiced his dark thoughts.

“She loved your father as much as he loved her. Sometimes people drift though, it happens. I doubt she regretted her choice to stand by him through it all. As for Pepper, she’s a strong woman as well. A fool could tell, you have her heart as much as she has yours. Perhaps she’s scared. I doubt my presence helps the matter but she’ll come back. Maybe you need to fight for her.”

“No, she needs her space.”

She hummed in partial agreement. “Space is fine but don’t make her feel as though you’ve given up completely.”

“It’s not in my nature.” He said almost automatically, like it was a programmed reply but truthfully, no matter what, he believed it down to his bones.

“Good.”

“And I’m not holding a grudge against you or anything; I figured you were tired of me too.”

“Never, Anthony. Forgive a silly old woman?” She joked, hoping to put a smile on his face.

He obliged, and her heart lifted in delight when it did reach his eyes.

“ _Old, you_? Yeah right.”

“I love you, Anthony.”

“I love you too, Aunt Peggy.” Tony said sincerely and gave her a hug.

She rubbed his back gently and he gave her a quick squeeze before taking his stance in front of the window again.

As much as she wanted to trick herself into thinking all was right in the world again, it wasn’t. Her nephew still looked absorbed in deep guilt.

“Call her or better yet go see her,” She suggested. “Even if she ignores you, it’s alright. She’ll know you haven’t given up on the two of you.”

“Rejection is a hell of a thing to overcome.”

“It is, yes, but you’ll be alright. Give it a shot.”

“Are you asking or telling?”

She responded by grinning and raising a brow.

“Do you want me to stay, we can talk about something lighter if you like?”

“I wouldn’t mind some time alone if it’s okay with you.”

She nodded although it felt like a stab at her heart. Her mind told her it wasn’t personal though.

“It’s perfectly fine,” She smiled again and patted his arm before turning to leave.

He gave her a weak smile in return.

She closed the door to leave him fighting his thoughts; she wouldn’t push. She couldn’t even if she wanted to. She had assured him she was there for him though and that would have to do for the time being.

_

Peggy paid the cab driver and got out. She didn’t bother telling Anthony any details on where she was off to, only a brief text saying she was going out for a bit so he wouldn’t worry.

It appeared quiet as she walked forward, the small bouquet of flowers dangling at her side as she carried them stiffly. She walked until she found it, wanting to avoid the awkwardness of having to ask for help. She could imagine the confused stares she’d surely have gotten if she did.

Shaking off the mental image, she internally jumped for joy when she found what she was looking for and then her heart dropped when it hit her.

How was one to feel staring at their own grave? Sadness? Apathy?

She crouched down and sat the flowers at the base of her headstone, dusting a hand over it to reveal the epitaph.

 _A valuable woman who left this world far too soon_ , it read.

She titled her head as she thought the words over. It seemed fitting enough, she gathered. The word left didn’t sit well with her though. She didn’t leave; she was taken away.

It made her angry to think on her death. She knew in the depths of her being that Jack was behind it somehow. It wasn't arrogance or cockiness, simply truth in knowing there was no way in hell she and Daniel were killed and he miraculous lived.

“Grimy bastard,” she thought bitterly.

He was dead by now but she couldn’t bring herself to care. She never was able to fully trust him and perhaps if she turned down the final mission or at least insisted that more reinforcements accompanied them, she would have lived. Of course, there was a possibility she would have died on another mission. She wouldn’t have mind dying doing what she loved as long as it was fair and not a part of some type of sabotage.

She shook her head clear of the brewing conspiracy. She couldn’t change that and well now she was back; it seemed pointless to think on it now. She was here for herself, not for ill thoughts of Jack Thompson.

She pressed her hand onto the cold ground, closing her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” She told herself softly.

She didn’t know what she was sorry for exactly. For dying, for not knowing it was a setup, for being here and being her now without completely feeling like she could hold a candle to the remains that lay beneath her feet. She felt that the words were the right ones to say though.

She opened her eyes again, staring at the headstone once more.

 _Margaret Elizabeth Carter_.

She never cared much for her given name and was only mildly disappointed that _Peggy_ was nowhere to be seen.  

“I suppose our spirit is with Michael and our parents.” She thought aloud. It comforted her having acknowledged it although she had never considered herself overly religious.

“Rest well and I’ll try my best not to muck everything up here, okay?” She promised.

There was no response. She felt like an idiot for assuming she’d get some type of cosmic sign.

Nevertheless, she rose and dusted her hands. She pulled out her phone to call another cab and left, never looking back and having no desire to return.

_

Peggy found herself standing outside what used to be the Griffith Hotel. It was long gone and in its place stood another hotel, only much more luxurious, that looked like they’d charged you just for looking at or being near it too long. She thought on her time spent there with Angie, with other acquaintances she had made. More than less, they were fond memories.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket and she reached for it without tearing her eyes away from the building, almost imagining her old residence in front of her again.

“Hello?”

“Peggy? Hi. It’s Steve.”

“Of course it is.” She smiled at his words.

“Yeah, sorry.” He chuckled nervously.

“I was wondering if I could maybe pick you up? I—

“You what, Steve?” She asked, worry instantly settling in.

“I missed you is all.” He confessed, almost embarrassed.

“Oh, Steve,” she said fondly. “Of course you can pick me up. I’m even wearing proper bottoms.”

He laughed wholeheartedly.

“I’ll be at Tony’s soon.”

“I’m out actually. I’ll text you the address.” She replied.

He was a little shocked hearing she was somewhere else and more than likely alone but he agreed before they ended the call.

Peggy slipped the device back into her back pocket and leaned against one of the post, waiting for Steve’s arrival as she watched the busy traffic and loads of people around her.

 

***Brief Author's note: I don't know why it hadn't occurred to me before now, but I sort of want you guys to get a better idea of how Peggy may look. I know you probably have your own images or simply think of Peggy (Hayley) and that wouldn't be wrong. I felt the need to address it anyway. In my mind, Peggy looks like Peggy. It seems to simple for me because this story is also partially inspired by the show, _Humans_. Have you all seen it? It's a great show. I wanted to leave you all with an image of the cast (who are suppose to be synthetic tech) and feel free to do your own research as well, but yeah. She is supposed to look completely like her human self and not like Vision ;)***


	13. Support

The ride back to Steve’s little hideaway, as Peggy had dubbed it, was one of silence with the exception of a bit of small talk before they took off. Peggy welcomed the quietness; it gave her time to toss things over in her mind although that may not have been a good thing. Steve, well he wasn’t sure what to say. He got the feeling that while she was present, her head was a million miles away. He didn’t know how to pull her back or if he should.

More silence followed when they reached their destination and Steve motioned for her to have a seat while he went to get something to drink for them.

Peggy was sitting on the lone sofa when he returned with two water bottles that were ice cold with droplets running down the plastic exterior. She thanked him softly and opened it, taking a quick sip although she wasn’t thirsty.

Steve opened his as well, sitting down with noticeably distance between them. He didn’t drink his yet though, he just held it.

“Is something wrong?” Peggy asked as she sat her own bottle down on the floor.

“I should be asking you that.” He replied as he sat his bottle down too.

Peggy raised a surprised brow at him as she shifted towards him.

“Clearly you know something I don’t.” She said, her voice edging on defensive.

Steve recognized it. He didn’t want to fight with her; he never wanted to fight with her.

“Peggy,” he sighed, “What aren’t you telling me?”

Peggy took a deep breath but maintained eye contact with him. She should have known Steve would be able to detect her emotional state. Her trip down memory lane did more harm than good but she had tried to mask it.

“Why would you ask that?”

Steve gave her his best ‘come on’ look.

“I know you, Peggy, just like you know me.”

“Perhaps once upon a time,” She agreed, “But---

“But what?”

“I’m not the same.”

“Peggy,” Steve whispered sympathetically.

“Don’t,” She warned, to which Steve stared back at her, momentarily stunned.

“Don’t tell me that I’m _her_. Don’t tell me this is all in my head.”

“I wouldn’t dismiss your feelings like that.” He said, being mindful with his choice of words.

Peggy scoffed and crossed her arms over her chest. She was shutting him out and it hurt, a lot. He swallowed the painful lump down and pressed on; this wasn’t about him and his feelings.

“Peg,” He reached out and touched her shoulder, but she didn’t look at him.

“Peggy, I’m not going to lie to you and say that whatever you’re going through, this adjustment period, is easy. It’s not. I know it’s not. I have a few years on you now and some days I wake up and they are harder than the first. But it’s possible to get through it. If I can—

“I’m not you!” She screamed.

Again feeling shocked, Steve withdrew his hand.

She got up from the sofa, arms still crossed and now facing him.

“I’m not you, I’m not her. I don’t know who I bloody am!”

He didn’t interrupt, knowing it would only make her explode more. As calm as possible, he sat there and listened.

Peggy felt her defenses crumpling as her anger rose. She wasn’t angry at Steve, but he was the easier target at the moment. She unfolded her arms and pointed a finger at him.

“The woman you loved, the woman you knew, is dead Steve. She’s gone and---how could you just pretend that I’m her?”

“I’m not pretending.” Steve spoke up then.

“Don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not, Peggy! Okay? I’m not.” He allowed his voice to raise a level or two as he stood.

It was her turn to be caught off guard, her anger changing momentarily to surprise as he closed the distance between them and stared seriously into her eyes.

“If you think I don’t know the difference between reality and fantasy, then you’re wrong. I have dreamt about you coming back so many times it left me torn and confused when I snapped out of it. You and Howard find me in some and we get to dance, late but we dance. Other times I never crashed, somehow. We always ended up happy, Peggy. Together and happy.

But when I came to my sense I knew it wasn’t real. I knew the difference and still do. I know you’re real, right here and right now, you’re real. We’re real and we’re together and no, it’s not like anything I ever imagined but its real and I won’t miss out on a second chance with you.”

Peggy wanted to absorb his words and convince herself that they were true but she couldn’t. She couldn’t accept the fact that despite everything, Peggy and _she_ were the same. That she could fill the woman’s shoes like they expected her to. 

She pushed at his chest, feeling angry and sad.

“This isn’t a second chance, Steve. This is---this is a lousy case of settling. She’s dead and you just want me to be her. Anthony wants me to be her. You look at me with this love and adoration that I haven’t earned. I—I’m not her.”

She thought back on the promise she made earlier and how she was already going back on it. She thought about the talk she had with Anthony about not tearing himself down and yet she was being a hypocrite and doing it to herself. She didn’t know when things switched, when the negative thoughts grew too loud for her to shut out.

All she knew was she wasn’t strong enough to quiet them and everything she felt was coming to head.

She started to push at him again and Steve grabbed both wrists firmly without exerting too much of his strength; he didn’t want to hurt her.

“Stop it!” He demanded. “Just stop!”

She panted a bit as her heart continued to race, anger and sadness still roaring within her. The angel on one shoulder told her to hush and stop acting out on her fears while the devil cheered her on, encouraging more.

Steve’s own breathing was ragged as he held her gaze and kept his hands wrapped around her.

“You’d never tolerate someone belittling you and neither will I, even if it’s _you_. You feel different? Fine. So do I, Peggy. I’m not the same guy who went into the ice. You’re not the same woman I kissed goodbye. But we’re _here_.”

He dropped one of her wrist and pointed to her chest, right where her heart rested.

“It’s beating isn’t it? Whatever you think you are, your heart beats. You draw breath. You are here; you _are_ Peggy. Margaret Elizabeth Carter. That’s you.”

Peggy took in a deep breath, mentally pushing the devil off her shoulders.

“I don’t feel like her.” She confessed silently.

There was no more trace of anger in her voice, just sheer sorrow over her torn identity.

Steve pulled her to him; allowing his shirt to be her tissue as the tears fell. She clung to him desperately.

“Peggy, I know you’re fighting this war inside of you, but let me help please. Let me help you like you’ve helped me so many times before.”

She heard him over her sobs but she couldn’t speak. She offered a nod of surrender. She couldn’t do this by herself, not anymore. She needed help and if Steve was willing to offer it then she could push her pride away to accept it.

She cried and he held her until her cries died down to sniffles. She wiped the remaining traces of wetness from her face with the back of her hand and Steve kissed the top of her head.

“Can I stay here tonight?” She asked, her voice still raw from crying.

He nodded without hesitation, “Of course.”

_

Steve was convinced that Peggy had finally given into her obvious exhaustion as he listened to her breathing grow quiet. He continued to run his fingers slowly across her back though, fearing that if he stopped it’d cause her to wake up.

As he lay there, he reflected on earlier. He had seen Peggy angry plenty of times, sad on occasion when she allowed her guard to drop in front of him. But he had never seen her so vulnerable before. It scared him honestly. She was the one who held it together; she was the rock.

But as much as it scared him, it also made him all the more determined to be her rock this time. To be the unwavering shoulder for her to lean on. He wondered if she had someone like that before, while he was asleep and dead to the world. He hoped she did but a small part of him worried that she didn’t; that her stubbornness and her will to carry everything alone pushed whoever the person might have been away. It was a good thing Steve could be just as stubborn then; she couldn’t get rid of him so easily.

“I’ve got you, Peggy.” He whispered to her sleeping form. “I’ll always have you,” He promised.


	14. A moment of bliss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short, seriously I didn't realized how short this was until now, but lighter chapter. The next part is connected, it really could just be the second part but I kinda like them being separate better.

Steve looked up from his sketchbook when he felt Peggy stir beside him. He quickly closed it and placed it on the nightstand.

“Hey,” he greeted her softly.

She gave him a sleepy smile, opening one eye at a time.

“Morning. It is still morning, isn’t it?”

“Yup.”

“Did you sleep at all?”

“A little,” Steve replied with a shrug. “You hungry?”

No was at the tip of her tongue but she assumed he might be so she nodded her head instead.

“Do you actually have anything to eat?”

“As a matter of fact I do. I may have gone grocery shopping since the last time you were here.”

“Well, colour me shocked.” She joked.

It was nice to see that she appeared to be in better spirits. Steve only hoped that it wasn’t an act for his benefit.

Steve got out of bed and held his hand out to help Peggy up after him. She took it while stifling a yawn. She felt better or at least she wanted to believe she did. In the back of her mind, she couldn’t deny the remnants of dark thoughts. She decided she’d have to shut them out and focus on enjoying breakfast with Steve.

His hand felt big, warm and safe. She concentrated on that, echoing Steve’s words from yesterday that they were _here_ and _together_.

The kitchen was without a dining table and chairs but there were three stools surrounding the breakfast bar. Peggy took a seat in the middle while Steve released her hand and went over to the fridge. He sat eggs and bacon down in front of her.

 _Could he cook?_ She thought.

Well obviously he must know how she told herself. She wondered when he acquired the talent. Had he always had it? They never talked about cooking before. They never talked about simple details like that really; they never had the time.

She watched as he cracked the eggs along the surface of the countertop. There were six eggs in all. He sprinkled in a mixture of spices and shredded cheese next, glancing up at her briefly and smiling when their eyes met.

“What?” She asked coyly.

“Nothing, nothing,” He shook his head.

Perhaps her lighter mood was contagious and Steve had caught on, Peggy thought.

“Scrambled okay?”

“Perfect.”

He nodded, whisking the ingredients together and then setting the bowl in the fridge so he could get started on the bacon

Peggy continued to watch him work or at least as best she could. Her view became limited when he turned facing the stove; his broad shoulders creating their own shield. She could hear the sizzle though, could smell the delicious aroma and well Steve’s backside wasn’t a terrible thing to look at.

When everything was complete, he sat a plate down in front of her with a nice size of fluffy scrambled eggs and bacon. It looked heavenly and Peggy decided it would be a terrible waste to not eat even if she still didn’t feel the need to. It wasn’t like she had to worry about getting fat now or did she? It didn’t matter either way.

“It looks scrumptious.” She told Steve as he took the stool next to her.

“Well it’s nice to kiss the cook, y’know to say thanks.” He replied, half-teasingly.

She pressed a quick peck to his cheek and picked up a forkful of eggs.

They ate together. Steve glancing sideways at her occasionally. He didn’t know why. Maybe to assure himself that this was real. It felt too good, too much like one of his dreams.

“Do you want me to wash the dishes?” Peggy offered when they were done. She thought it was the least she could do. He shook his head.

“I’ll get to them later.”

She nodded as he placed their plates and forks into the sink.

“What now?” She asked, propping her head up with her hand.

There was so much time to waste now. Well, waste wasn’t the correct term. They had free time. There was no war, and as far as Peggy knew, no Hydra agents were out there trying to make the world a horrible place, one scheme at a time. As for Steve, the world wasn’t currently in danger of being destroyed.

If the two of them thought on it long enough they might laugh. Laugh at the idea of being bored and having no idea how to remedy it. Unfortunately, now wasn’t quite that time.

“Now, I think I should get back to the tower. You can come if you want or I could drop you off at Tony’s.”

Steve really didn’t want to part ways but he couldn’t stay away too long. And besides, Fury was supposed to stop by. Peggy wasn’t ready to leave either but she didn’t want to go back to the tower. The place only made her think back to Steve rejecting her.

“Anthony’s will be fine.” She answered.

“I’m sorry.” He said genuinely, fearing he had ruined the light morning.

“What for?” Peggy asked, trying her best to appear okay.

“I’d like to stay with you too, Peggy. Believe me, but I have work, well work related stuff.” He finished, feeling like his response was a lame cop-out.

“You needn’t explain anything to me. I understand.”

“But—

“No buts. I’ll fetch my shoes and we can go.”

Steve watched as she left the kitchen. He rested his hands on the counter, still feeling like he’d let her down. When she returned, she had no traces of disappoint on her face though.

“Ready when you are,” She announced, looking at him expectantly.

He went to put on a shirt over the black tank top he had barely slept in and then held the door open for her when they were leaving the house.

“Honestly Steve, don’t look so down,” She chided teasingly before slipping the helmet over her head. “I’m not mad at you. Duty calls. I get it.”

“I know, Peg, I know.” He knew she understood better than he probably could give her credit for, but he still felt guilty.

He felt a kiss against his back before Peggy laid her head there and wrapped her arms around his waist.

“Thanks,” He whispered and then started the motorcycle. Somehow, almost magically, he felt some of the guilt drift away.


	15. An awakening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said in the last update, I could have really put them together but I felt like Peggy's perspective and realization needed to be set apart.

Peggy really was okay with Steve leaving or rather she was okay with him having other things to do. Things that, at the moment, ranked higher than simply lounging around with her on what could have been a nice lazy morning in.

Still when she said goodbye and was back in her own room, all alone because apparently Anthony was away too, she felt the loneliness settle in. It was like it crept along her skin, sticking close, nearly taunting her.

She knew she was being ridiculous. She wasn’t lonely; she had _just_ been with Steve and she had surely been away from him before. Why was now any different? Why was she behaving like this?

It was different, she realized, because she had done something she wasn’t used to. She allowed herself to be raw and transparent, vulnerable even, when she shared her darkest worries with Steve.

 Peggy would never have done that. The old Peggy, the other Peggy. She bit down on frustration as her mind tried to remind her that she couldn’t simply think of herself as _herself_.

She shook her head, searching for Steve’s words to center her.

 _“You are here; you are Peggy.”_ The words replayed in her mind.

Her hand lifted to her heart, remembering how he had pointed his finger there the night before without actually touching her.

She wasn’t the woman whose grave she visited. She wasn’t the woman, she suspected but didn’t have all the facts, was killed because she trusted Jack _fucking_ Thompson and he had sold her and Daniel out.

She hadn’t been the little girl who fought with Michael to be the knight of the story, to save the day instead of playing the damsel in distress. She wasn’t the same person who walked with her head held high day after day despite the relentless shit her male coworkers at the S.S.R gave her.

She wasn’t her; they weren’t exactly the same yet they weren’t entirely different. It wasn’t a black and white issue, it wasn’t either or; it was somewhere in the grey.

Steve himself told her he wasn’t the same and he hadn’t been brought back from the dead in the same manner as she had been.

Maybe she had been going about things all wrong, she whispered thoughtfully to herself, removing her hand and letting it drop to her side as she walked over to her vanity.

Maybe she’d never be that Peggy again. In truth, she was dead and no matter how much she thought she could be her, she just couldn’t.

That didn’t mean she couldn’t be inspired by her. She could hold onto the memories that Peggy kept close to her own heart once upon a time and enjoy them now. She could do one better too; she could make new ones. For that Peggy, for herself.

She could embrace this second chance fully if only she’d shake off those fears, those doubts, and the small little whispers that told her she was a fraud.

She took a seat and swallowed, making herself raise her eyes to look at her reflection.

Her hair hung just above her shoulders, her waves still flattened by Steve’s helmet. No makeup, no signature red lipstick but she was still there.

She inhaled and exhaled softly, meditatively.

“Here's to day one, again.” She said softly, with a hint of laughter in her tone.

Her hand hovered over her lipstick display and skipped over the heavily used red, she lifted a muted pink instead.

She applied it, slowly and carefully, pressing her lips together when she was done.

She laughed lightly to herself as she titled her head, asking herself if she liked this new colour.

She did; she liked it a lot.

As she picked up her brush and began to run it through her hair, she understood that all wasn’t perfect. She would surely have moments of doubts again. But now, after allowing herself to be vulnerable with Steve, with herself and accepting that she didn’t have to go on with all these expectations, she knew things would be better.

She would be better. And whenever she wasn’t, she’d just remind herself of this moment and how liberating it felt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will go up right after this and the story will start to progress forward :)


	16. Margaret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you know? I wrote a little bit more this time. I don't know if I'd say this is a long chapter but it's definitely long to me. I'm the self proclaimed Queen of short writing, sorry lol.

Steve lay awake in bed as the sun began to rise; with it his room brightened as the sun’s glow permeated the darkness. He liked it dark; it helped him rest even if he didn’t actually get any sleep. Last night had been one of those sleepless nights; still, he didn’t feel tired as he turned to his side and away from the windows.

His mind had been on Peggy. He knew better than anyone just how much she hid behind her tough exterior, how good she was at convincing people she had it all together even if she was crumbling apart on the inside. He wanted to believe she was as okay as she said but he didn’t. He didn’t believe it yet he didn’t want to ask and make things worse.

With a heavy sigh, he shoved the sheets half way down to his waist and rolled onto his back. He stared upwards at the ceiling as if somehow he’d find answers there. He didn’t. He did hear a knock on his door though.

“Yeah?” He called out.

“Wanna go for a run?” Sam asked from the other side.

He had a good feeling it would have been Sam. A run would help clear his head and even if it didn’t, surely whatever topic Sam came up with would provide him with a distraction.

Steve opened the door once he had slipped on a pair of jogging pants and running shoes. Sam nodded his head in greeting as the two of them began to head out.

“Didn’t get any sleep last night?” Sam asked as he stretched.

Steve laughed after failing to stifle his yawn.

“Not much. What about you?”

“I may or may not have had company last night.” The other man answered with a wink.

“Oh yeah?”

Sam shrugged. “A gentleman never tells, right?”

“Right, of course.” Steve played along.

He started with a light jog and that’s when Sam suspected that something must be wrong.

“C’mon, I know you’re not _that_ tired.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Usually I’m out of breath trying to catch up with you by now.”

The statement was a slight exaggeration but not too far from the truth.

“Is it the nightmares again?”

“No, no it’s not that.”

“I figured with your girl back you’d be different, happier y’know? Trouble in paradise already?”

Steve shook his head, slowed his jog down to a normal pace and headed towards a nearby bench. Sam followed.

“I was just teasing, man.”

“I know,” Steve nodded his head.

“It’s just---

“Like Bucky?”

“No. She’s not trying to kill me.” Steve replied with a humorless laugh.

Seeing Peggy didn’t break his heart like it did with Buck because at least with her he had _her_ back. The Peggy he knew, the Peggy he had loved and still loved. Bucky didn’t know who he was himself let alone Steve. He had no recollection of them whereas Peggy may have had a couple of scrambled memories and wasn’t exactly human but she was _her_ …as her as she was ever going to be.

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful to have her back.”

“You sound like you’re trying to convince yourself of that there, buddy. You want to talk about it?”

Steve cut a look at his friend. They already were talking about it. That was Sam; he pulled you into opening up even when you didn’t want to. It’s probably why he was so good at his job counseling vets.

Another sigh escaped Steve.

“I am grateful to have her back but it’s not what I thought it’d be. Not like any of the dreams I ever had, good or bad. She’s just like I remember but she’s---she’s also not.”

Sam nodded understandingly beside him.

“And that changes things between you?”

“God, no.” Steve quickly said. “She has to adjust just like I did. I get it but what if it’s harder for her?”

“What if it is?”

Steve frowned, he didn’t like having his question thrown back at him because that meant Sam thought he knew the answer and was going to force him to dig it out.

“You gonna run because things get a little hard? That’s not the Cap I know.”

“I’m not running away. I never run away. I just worry I’ll fail her like I did with Bucky. I couldn’t save him, Sam. He was my best friend and I couldn’t do a darn thing to—

“I thought you said this wasn’t like the Bucky thing.” Sam reminded him.

Steve paused.

“She’s not like him, no, but I want to save them both. I failed Bucky for the second time. I can’t do that to her. I just can’t.”

“So don’t.”

The words sounded like the easiest thing in the world.

“You gotta stop looking at these situations like they are the same. It’s night and day here. Bucky, well you know how I feel about that.” Sam said, pausing to give a sympathetic shrug.

He knew how much Steve cared for the guy but he also thought it was no use trying to chase a dead end. It was something they respectfully disagreed on.

“I haven’t seen Peggy try to kick your ass or attempt to kill you once so I’m gonna bet her brain wasn’t hijacked by Hydra. Think about how it was for you to wake up and everything you knew was gone. **_Everything._** Your friends? Gone. Home? Completely different. But unlike you, she has someone to lean on. She’s got you and even Tony I guess.”

“Filling her in on pop culture isn’t gonna do much help.”

“Of course not. Tell her how it was for you so she knows it’s possible. Right now she’s overwhelmed and scared. You gotta be the brave one.”

Steve started to point out that Peggy wasn’t afraid and then he remembered the other night. Peggy _had_ been terrified; she’d been broken and confused. He had to stop thinking about her as the same woman he knew. It was just adding more pressure to her journey.

“I can do that.” Steve acknowledged with a firm nod.

“And you won’t fuck it up.”

Steve would have liked Sam to have used another word but his point hit home. He needed to stop worrying about failing and start helping. It wouldn’t hurt to try to see things from Peggy’s point of view more either.

“Thanks Sam.”

“Hey, what are friends for? Now get up, you still owe me that run.”

Steve chuckled as he got to his feet. This time he blew past Sam as they took off and all felt right again.

_

Steve browsed the stationary aisle trying to find something that Peggy would like. He quickly and purposely skipped over the few Fourth of July themed items that were now on clearance. Peggy might not have had a problem with it but he somehow saw it as vain if he purchased it. A pink one with the word “imagine” caught his eye though.

As he looked at it closer, he could read the rest of the text more clearly.

_“Imagine*, Go confidently in the directions of your dreams, live the life you have imagined.”_

He smiled, deciding it was the perfect one. It helped that the journal reminded him of the false dream Wanda had sucked him into with Peggy. Sure it left him with a deep sense of longing and sadness but it also felt so real. And well, back then he was glad to see her again in any way.

He took it to the register and paid for it, leaving the store with more pep in his step.

_

“Rogers,” Tony greeted Steve as he opened the door.

“Tony, hey. I didn’t think you’d be here.”

“Oh, I see. Just what did you have in mind with my Aunt Peggy?” Tony asked, crossing his arms.

“Nothing, Tony. I just figured—

“Enough,” Peggy said as she joined the two men at the door.

“Anthony was just on his way out. To see Pepper, isn’t that correct?”

“He doesn’t need to know that.” Tony grumbled.

“My apologies. Hurry along and drive safe.” Peggy gave him a gentle nudge until he stepped out.

He mumbled something about being forced out of his own home by the elderly as he passed Steve.

“Some kid you got there.”

“He is a bit of a handful at times.” Peggy said with a smile.

They watched as Tony got into his car and peeled down the driveway.

“Come in,” Peggy said, taking his hand and pulling him inside.

Steve pushed the door closed behind them, keeping a tight hold on the gift bag in his other hand.

“I got you something.”

Peggy turned her head, dropping his hand.

“Steve, you shouldn’t have.”

She felt flattered that he had thought of her but she really didn’t need anything. She considered herself blessed to simply have him and Anthony in her life.

“Look inside.” He said, holding the bag out for her to take.

Slowly, she took it. Peering up at him once before moving the soft, white tissue paper out of the way.

She pulled out a pink journal with something written on the cover. She glanced at it briefly, having only read _imagine_ , and sat the bag onto the table.

“Steve,” She whispered softly.

She ran her fingers delicately over the text, reading it in full and smiling at the thoughtfulness of his gift.

“This is sweet, thank you.”

"There’s a pen inside too."

She nodded, sitting the journal down carefully and stepping closer to him.

“I love it.” She kissed his cheek.

“I’m glad to hear it.”

“Let’s sit? I have something I want to tell you.”

Steve nodded but felt a little unnerved hearing those words. What did she want to tell him?

“I’ve been thinking,” She laced her fingers with his and pulled their joined hands in her lap, rubbing a finger over the back of his with her free hand.

“Steve, I can’t keep living in the past. It’s exhausting and honestly, quite painful.”

Steve frowned, his expression instantly showing concern.

“Not physically.” She quickly added, hoping to calm his worries.

“I’ve accepted that I’m not exactly the woman whose memory I have. I’m supposed to be her, yes, but I’m just not. I’m someone else perhaps something else? I’m not yet sure but I owe it to myself to explore it. I want to make my own memories and experiences. I want to find out who I can become. Do you understand?”

“Of course I do, Peggy.” Steve said honestly, clasping his other hand over theirs. “I’m right here too, whatever you need.”

“I appreciate that.”

She sniffled as she felt herself get misty-eyed but she didn’t want to cry. This was progress and she didn’t want to ruin that even with happy tears.

Steve slid closer to her, untangling their hands so he could wrap his arms around her. He held her close, kissing her cheek and then her hair.

Peggy wrapped her arms around him too, tucking her head in the crook of his next, inhaling his scent, allowing his warmth and love to radiate over her.

“You want to talk about anything else?” He asked.

She nodded, laying her head on his chest as he rubbed her arm.

“I don’t want you to get the wrong idea but I think we should just take things slow. Not start over—not really, but we’re both different now. I want to get to know this Steve and as I figure it out, I want you to get to know me.”

Steve nodded, squeezing her arm gently. “I can do that. It makes sense.”

“But you’re alright with it?”

“Yes,” Steve replied honestly.

He wasn’t just saying it to make her happy. He realized he could do without living so much in the past too. He could further embrace his new reality right along with Peggy.

“Thank you.” Peggy said, feeling like a weight was lifted off her shoulders.

She feared Steve would feel rejected by her suggestion.

“You don’t have to thank me. I’m in this with you, no matter what.”

She nodded, running a hand over his chest.

“Now that all the business it out of the way, shall we watch a movie?”

“Yeah,” Steve laughed, “We can do that.”

“Wait,” Peggy took command over the remote before Steve could press play. He let her take it, raising a brow in question.

“You want to watch something else?”

“No,” She said. “How do you feel about Margaret?” She asked, with a serious look in her eyes.

He furrowed his brows, unsure how to answer the question.

“Is this a test?”

“No just an honest question.”

“I feel like…it’s your name?”

“Yes,”

“Yes?” He repeated, still thinking he was digging himself into an unknown hole.

“Peggy is what you’re used to calling me but, well, I think I’d rather go by Margaret now.”

She looked at him again to gauze his reaction. He just stared back initially.

“Um…okay.”

“Steve!”

“What? Are you trying to trick me?” He was honestly confused.

“For heaven’s sake, no. I just want to know what you think.”

“Oh,” He relaxed a little, leaning back onto the couch. “It’s fine. If it’s what you want to be called then it’s fine. Just forgive me when I slip up here and there.”

She shook her head, picking up the remote and laying her head back on his chest.

“Margaret. It’s not hard to remember, Steve.”

“I’m just used to you being Peggy.”

“I know. You’ll get used to Margaret too.”

He was glad she at least had confidence in him. He decided to let it go since she didn’t say anything else. He redirected his attention to the giant television screen that he was sure Tony never turned on before as the movie began.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Although she will be addressed as Margaret, I plan to still write Peggy throughout the story. Let me know if that'll be too confusing and I'll change it.

A few weeks had passed by, taking them into mid-August. Peggy (Margaret) had shared her desire to be addressed by her real name, _her old/new name_ , with Anthony. He in turn told her it was only fair if she called him Tony like everyone else. It would be something both of them would have to get used to but they were both committed to trying.

Peggy paused from writing in her journal, glancing up at Steve as he got up from his spot next to her on the sofa.

“Where are you going?” She asked softly, tucked her pen in the journal and closed it before placing it on Steve’s new side table. He had taken to sprucing the place up a little. Maybe for Peggy’s sake or maybe because he wanted it to feel more like home to him too.

He didn’t answer her. He pulled his phone from his pocket, taping at the screen. She titled her head, trying to figure out what he was doing.

He sat the phone down and turned to face her. He was up to something. He had a sly yet determined look about him.

“Hey,” He said softly, holding both hands out for her to take.

She responded with a light giggle as she slipped her hands into his, allowing him to pull her to her feet.

“Hey yourself.”

“I know I’m a couple of decades late but I’d like to think I’m a man of my word.”

She nodded, still not quite following him.

“Go on,” she urged.

The music began to play, an unfamiliar song to Peggy’s ears but one Steve had spent far too much time listening to, along with many others, until he was sure he had found the right one; the perfect one.

“Steve,”

He only pulled her hands upwards, behind his neck until she caught on and laced her fingers together herself. He smiled down as he wrapped his arms around her, resting one hand on each side of her waist.

_“We were strangers, starting out on a journey…”_

Peggy looked up at his eyes, warm and filled with so much love for her. He hadn’t forgotten their dance. It was something she thankfully hadn’t forgotten either.

“Well it’s not the Stork club but I suppose it’ll do.” She whispered, teasingly.

“Mhmm,” He agreed.

They swayed slowly, dancing somewhat in a small circle in the living room. He didn't step on her toes and Peggy suspected that at some point he took lessons. She shut her eyes after a moment, resting her head on his chest as she stepped closer. She felt his heart beat steadily as the song continued.

Steve softly sung along with it although he didn’t have the voice for it. Peggy didn’t mind. It sounded beautiful to her ears.

As “At the beginning” finished, another song started up.

_“All I knew this morning when I woke is I know something now, know something now I didn't before…”_

_“_ What song is this?” She asked, murmuring against his chest.

“Everything has changed.”

As the song continued, the woman’s voice was joined by a man’s.

 _“I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better_.” They sang, “ _I just wanna know you, know you, know you.”_

Peggy’s heart felt happy, if that was even possible. She felt airy as if she was floating on a cloud of complete bliss and Steve was right next to her.  

“Who would have thought you to be such a romantic?”

She felt Steve shrug as he kissed the top of her head. It was something he seemed to enjoy.

“Do you like it?”

“I love it.”

“Good,” Steve said from above her, “good.”

She caressed the back of his neck gently. At first it tickled and Steve had to fight the urge not to ruin the moment by laughing. He did let a small chuckle slip but soon he felt that he enjoyed the sensation.

She slipped her other hand from his neck down to his chest. He reached for it, lifted it up towards his mouth and kissed it softly.

Peggy breathed out a small, nervous laugh. She felt her own heart rate pick up. Where were they going with this? Was it too much too soon? Would it be horrible if she stopped?

She mentally answered, no. She didn’t want to stop. She wanted to know where this was headed. She looked up at Steve’s questioning eyes; it appeared he was having similar thoughts.

“If I hadn’t already fallen for you, I’d say this would have tipped me over.”

“Yeah?” He asked; his voice low and just a tad uncertain.

“Certainly,” She nodded, raising up on the tips of her toes and kissing him.

It was slow at first, delicate. Their lips barely touched but she pressed closer, tighter. Then she parted her mouth and he followed suit with a sudden boldness, slipping his tongue inside.

She sighed to herself, contently, wrapping her hands behind his neck again. He squeezed her close, lifting her up so that her feet were no longer planted on the ground.

A small bubble of doubt appeared in Steve’s mind as he held her, kissing her more passionately as their tongues mingled.

He had never…he—

“Peggy, _Margaret,_ sorry” he broke the kiss, his breathe coming out more rapid than before.

“Yes?” Peggy answered, the cloudiness of her brain clearing when she feared something had gone wrong, more specifically she had done something wrong.

“I…I’ve never,” He felt himself blush with embarrassment. “I don’t exactly know what I’m doing here.”

She frowned; he let her go, her feet returning to the carpet.

“I’d say you were doing just fine.”

“No, I meant,” he sighed, mentally kicking himself for ruining the moment.

Peggy watched him struggle to explain himself. She tucked a strand of her hair behind her ears, still regarding him and then it clicked.

Her mind took her back to the cab ride before Project Rebirth. She regrettably didn’t remember the entire conversation. She did remember that he had told her he never danced. Something about waiting for the right partner and how it sounded terribly old-fashioned even back then at first but then she had looked at him and knew that Steve was just different. Different in the best way, different in a way that left her wanting to pry further into the sweet little mind of his.

Then her mind shifted to her in that red dress the night at the pub. How they had looked at each other with an understanding that his best friend, Sargent Barnes, wasn’t privy to. She had echoed his words, telling him in a way she knew he’d only get, that maybe, no not maybe, that he was her right partner. If fate would allow them both to survive the war, then she was interested in having that dance with him and more but they couldn’t afford to get too optimistic.

And suddenly Steve’s hesitation and flustering made all the sense in the world. If he hadn’t danced then he hadn’t went much further either.

“Steve,”

He looked down at her, not wanting to meet her eyes but feeling like he had to.

“Yeah?”

“How about we find out together?”

While she, her former self, hadn’t been quite as pure as Steve. She had done the deed with Fred once but it wasn’t anything worth relishing on. She had thought it was lack-luster but convinced herself that it was her own fault and that maybe it’d eventually get better.

Steve gave her another look.

“You’re not a…wait--” He stumbled over his words.

“Yes and no.” She answered, already knowing what he was trying to say. “Let’s just say it’ll be a first for us both.”

She didn’t elaborate and he didn’t ask her to. He nodded slowly.

“Just relax.” She said, talking to both of them. Now that she knew more clearly in the direction they were headed, she felt herself grow anxious as well.

She tried her best not to let it show as she kissed him, slowly again, trying to help him relax.

After a few seconds, he felt calmer. He hadn’t picked her up like before but he stepped back, tugging her with him until she moved her feet towards his room.

He broke away again to shut the door even though it was only the two of them. He hadn’t bothered with turning the light on; somehow it helped him to remain calm.

He didn’t need the light to see her. His enhanced vision helped. She didn’t need it either.

She reached for the hem of his shirt, pulling it further up his torso. He lifted his arms to assist her.

Her hands touched his bare chest, spreading her fingers over it, then tracing down the length of his arm.

Steve swallowed. He felt hot and nervous but he pushed passed it.

“Is it okay if I---

“Yes,”

She didn’t know what he was asking permission for and she honestly didn’t care.

He reached for the fabric of her loose fitting dress, bunched it up between his fingers as he pulled at it from below. She decided to help him as she slipped her arms through the short sleeves, it dropped to her waist and when he let go, it pooled at her feet.

He was left taken back for a moment. She took the lead and helped him out of his pants, causing the momentum to continue.

“No pressure alright Darling?” She whispered.

He didn’t trust his voice to respond. He was having too many thoughts and probably just as many doubts so he nodded.

She reached for him in the dark, urging him towards her. He rested a hand behind her back as they made their way towards his bed. When she felt the mattress against the back of her legs, she sat down, still tugging him with her.

For a moment, her mind became overwhelmed with what she wanted to do and what she should do. It was starting to get to her and she wanted to scream but then she remembered Steve was here with her and that she needed to stay in control.

“You okay?” He asked, kissing her cheek then her jaw.

“Yes,” She answered.

She fought for control of her own mind, fought so the technical side didn’t bombard her again and prayed to God that Tony hadn’t somehow messed with ability to be intimate with Steve because that’d be an awkward confrontation.

“Yes,” she said again, more so to herself and with more firmness.

Steve nodded.

He kissed her neck and Peggy laid back, he went with her.

He traced her exposed skin slowly in exploration but avoided being too direct and trying to remove her undergarments.

It was something that she noticed and it touched her. He was still the gentle man in the back of the cab. He was still her Steve.

She allowed him to explore, allowed him to set the pace because as she had said, it was new to her in a way too. She wanted this to be natural and naturally, if she was still human she’d still be inexperienced.

She watched his movements through the just barely illuminated room, thanks to the sun that hadn’t completely set. Steve felt his body warm up even more than usual. He felt another sensation too as his body responded accordingly and he wondered if he was supposed to say something about it.

“Whenever you’re ready,” Peggy whispered as she ran her fingers lightly through his short hair.

He took that as a sign that she was aware and that didn’t come as a surprise to him.

He laughed softly until he just smiled.

He lifted up to slip out of his boxers and she removed her panties. Her bra came next and Steve couldn’t help but give over to his curious side and touch her breast.

They felt soft and full against his fingertips. An involuntary groan escaped his mouth and Peggy brought his lips down to hers.

At some point, they got down to the main event. He entered her and they moved together. Awkwardly at first. Peggy knew she could _technically_ allow her mind to guide her but she didn’t want this to be weird. She didn’t want to feel like Steve was having sex with some type of robot even if that’s what her mind shouted at her.

 _Be quiet_ , she told herself. _Shut up and let go._

And she did. Her mind left her alone and she focused on her movements. She focused on Steve on top of her, inside of her. His breath against her neck. His hands glued to her hips.

Eventually she lost track of it all until it was over and she was cuddled against his side, with his arm holding her close.

They were sweaty and happy.

He kissed her lazily, feeling euphoric.

Peggy felt as if she should say something. I love you perhaps would have been appropriate but she didn’t feel as though the words needed to be said. It was felt enough between them.

“The right partner,” Steve whispered.

“What was that?” She asked, not having heard him clearly the first time.

“I said, the right partner.”

She smiled demurely, squeezed as close as she could and kissed his chest.

“How could I argue against that?”

They laid there again silent but content. Eventually sleep overtook Steve and Peggy closed her eyes, drifting away after him.

_

Peggy’s eyes were the first to crack open. The sun was freely spilling in through the curtains but thankfully Steve’s frame blocked it from blinding her. She caressed his arm and kissed at his jawline. He mumbled something incoherent as he began to stir.

“Morning,”

He just nodded, his hand lazily squeezing her waist and then his eyes began to open. She watched, biting her lip so that she didn’t outright laugh as his expression shifted to surprise.

Then he remembered everything as his memory began to replay the events of last night. He didn’t want to move. He didn’t want to part from her; not that he had anywhere in particular that he needed or wanted to be.

“Hey,” He whispered. He was still in a state of awe, of mild disbelief, and he felt his hand squeeze her again almost involuntarily to remind him that this was real.

“What’s wrong?” She grew worried, her hand landing on his cheek.

He shook his head, nothing. Nothing at all was wrong; in fact he had never been happier. He felt something in his chest stir. It was as though he wanted to cry.

“I’m just glad you’re back.”

She knew he wanted to say more.

“And I don’t plan on going anywhere.”

“Good cause I don’t think I’d let you go.”

She laughed then and that helped to ease whatever heaviness that had occupied his heart.

“Do you want to stay in bed all day?” She asked.

He shrugged, “I just wanna be close to you. Is that okay?”

“Always, darling.”

Steve worried that he was being too vulnerable, maybe even needy but Peggy didn’t appear to think so.

The two of them remained cuddled under the covers until mid-afternoon. Steve couldn’t continue to ignore his grumbling stomach and she wouldn’t allow him to dismiss it.

“You have to eat.” She had told him, leaving no room for argument.

She shooed him to go take a shower while she slipped his shirt from yesterday over her head, as she made her way to the kitchen.

Just as he was joining her, she sat a plate of scrambled eggs, sliced apples and bacon onto the counter.

“Where’s yours?” He asked as he sat down.

“Not hungry,” She shrugged, passing him a fork.

Steve shook his head as he took it, “Come ‘ere.”

She walked around and stood by him and then he patted his leg. She laughed off the invitation but he refused to take no for an answer. She squirmed playfully as he scooped her up and sat her on his lap.

“I think I’m a tad bit old for this.”

“Maybe.”

He offered her one of the apple slices and she rolled her eyes teasingly before biting it.

“You’re bloody stubborn.”

“I guess I learned from you.”

He continued to eat, sharing small bites with her even though she really wasn’t hungry. After breakfast they made their way to the couch. Peggy took up writing in her journal and Steve sketched quietly by her side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo I was super nervous about this. I didn't want to gloss over every little detail as I usually do whenever my fics rarely take a dip in the mature pool. I wanted to explain it at least a little bit because Peggy isn't a normal woman and her having sex wouldn't be either. 
> 
> I'd like to think I did their awkward little encounter justice though. What do you think? (Nervously covers my face and uploads this so I can leave lol)


	18. Not another party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I experienced some mild writer's block. I have to admit that I thought about abandoning the story for a good minute. I figured that would be better than trying to write and it turned out to be shitty. I love Steve and Peggy too much to do that though. So I just pushed the story away for a while. I pushed writing away altogether really. (I needed to just get my mind refocused and that went way beyond writing). 
> 
> I'm feeling better now and my desire to write has returned. However, the story will be ending soon. I don't like to drag things out and I feel as though if I continue on it won't be in the best interest of this particular narrative. I feel as though I covered the important parts while still having enough room to provide closure for the rest.

“Listen Rogers I have something I wanna run by you.” Tony said in a casual tone.

Steve gave his phone a strange look as he listened; he had it on speaker so he could tie his shoes at the same time. _Since when did Tony want his input?_ He thought.

“You’re not bringing Howard back are you?” He asked hesitantly. It was a joke for the most part but he wouldn’t put it past Tony to try something like that.

“ _What?_ No, no, my old man is fine wherever he is.” Tony said dismissively. “Did Aunt Peg tell you about the name thing?”

“She did.” Steve answered, already knowing what Tony was referring to. “Why?”

“I was thinking that’s kinda a big deal. We need to celebrate.”

“No,” Steve said quickly, trying to shut the idea down before Tony could get too carried away.

“Hear me out!”

“Tony—

“ _Steve,_ ” Tony repeated the other man’s name mockingly.

“We throw her a party, a small one of course. It’ll be like a birthday party just for her.”

“What is with you and birthdays?”

“I like to party. Who doesn’t like to party? Besides she deserves it. Don’t you think?”

“Is this for her or for you?”

“It’s for her. I want her to feel special.” Tony said genuinely.

 He was too young to remember if Peggy truly enjoyed the parties his dad constantly threw. He wanted to think that she had a good time though.

It all boiled down to him trying, in his own way, to support her journey. He knew how important this fresh start was to her. His guilt about bringing her back with little thought to how she’d personally cope with it might have something to do with it too.

“It’ll be small, I promise. I need you to back me on this.”

Steve sighed. He didn’t know if he was allowing his own personal bias for Tony’s parties to cloud his judgment. He hadn’t seen Peggy in a party setting either so he couldn’t fairly say rather she’d hate it or not. Something also reminded him that Peggy was someone Tony cared for too and he wouldn’t put her in a situation where she felt uncomfortable.

“How small?”

Tony let out a loud, victorious cheer and Steve immediately wanted to retract his support.

“Me of course, you can come too. I guess the gang is invited and the lady of honor.”

Steve knew by _the gang_ , Tony was referring to the Avengers.

“Is Clint included?”

“Sure why not?” Tony replied indifferently. “He can even bring his family. The guy is probably dying to get away from them.”

Tony began to go on about how his self-imposed retirement must be driving Clint crazy but Steve had successfully tuned him out.

“When are you trying to throw the party and it’s a surprise right?”

“Of course it’s a surprise. I’ll work out the details and update you.”

“I don’t get any input?”

“Parties aren’t your thing, remember?”

It was true but Steve felt entitled to be a part of it somehow. It was for Peggy after all.

“Fine you can pick the cake.” Tony tossed out before he hung up.

Steve nearly rolled his eyes as he stared down at his phone screen. He knew Tony meant well; he’d even go as far as saying he was a decent guy. He’d be lying if he said that he enjoyed the way he operated though.

Shaking it off, he grabbed his jacket and headed for the door. He had nothing serious on his agenda for the day. He just wanted to get out and get some fresh air, maybe even visit his old neighborhood. It was something he hadn’t done in a while but there was something oddly calming about it.

Now, after Tony’s phone call, he was trying to figure out what kind of party Tony would put together for Peggy. He had mentioned it’d be small so that eased his worries, at least somewhat. _Would Pepper be there?_ He wondered. Hopefully she’d at least help plan the thing. Steve would feel better with a more responsible person helping Tony with this, especially since he had only been assigned cake duty.

He scoffed. _Cake?_ Anyone could pick out a cake and Steve wasn’t just anybody to Peggy. He was her…boyfriend? The word felt juvenile to him. Best guy? No, it didn’t have the same effect as best girl. _Partne_ r _, he was her partner_ , Steve rationalized. He was her partner and he deserved to have a bigger say so in this.

He was dialing Tony’s number before he could talk himself out of it. It was no surprise when Tony didn’t pick up. Not to be deterred, he left a message saying flat out that he was gonna help him. He even went so far as to say the responsibility would be split between them 50-50.

He felt better; proud even, when he hung up the call.

_

Tony was better at keeping things under wraps than Steve was when they were around Peggy. He found himself trying to subtly ask her things but he’d be on the verge of slipping up every time and he’d dismiss it altogether. Peggy didn’t know what to make of it except she thought it was rather strange.

Somehow though, despite Steve almost letting the cat out of the bag many, many times, they had gotten everything together. Natasha, Sam, and Vision were attending. Wanda made up some excuse for wanting to stay in her room but they promised to save her cake; Steve did anyway. Tony told her she was outta luck. Clint had declined the invite as well; saying it’d be too much to pack his family up on such short notice. Neither Tony nor Steve held it against him.

Pepper was also coming, much to Tony’s delight. He wasn’t out of the dog house and wouldn’t be for quite some time. They had an open discussion about him constantly going off and doing things while leaving her in the dark; with no intention of letting her know if he could get away with it honestly.

It had happened one time too many and Pepper knew she wasn’t being fair to herself by constantly lying down and taking it. She wasn’t holding Tony accountable either, which gave him the green light to repeat this unacceptable behavior apparently. That could be handled after Peggy’s party though; this was her day after all.

Tony had sent Steve a text saying they were all ready for the “birthday” girl.

“You’ve been staring at your phone an awful lot today,” Peggy called out as she put on her earrings.

“Have I?” Steve asked with faux ignorance.

“Indeed. If I were the jealous type I’d have toss it out of your hand by now.”

He grinned at that and didn't point out that she could be jealous when she wanted to be.

“I’m sorry. I was just checking the time.”

She gave him a look that said she didn’t buy his excuse but she didn’t suspect that he was up to anything really horrible.

“If you could zip me up then we can be on our way.”

She turned around and waited expectantly. He came up behind her and happily tugged the zipper up, planting a small kiss on the side of her cheek when he was done.

“You look lovely. Have I told you that already?”

“No, I believe you were too busy on your phone.” She tried for a serious tone but the crack of a smile gave her away.

Steve shook his head at her before reaching for her hand.

“Shall we?”

“We shall.” She replied, squeezing his hand gently as they left his room.

Peggy was under the assumption that they were going out for dinner. He nudged her into picking out something casual though, not wanting to risk letting something slip by encouraging her to dress up. She wore a black button down blouse tucked into a pair of high-waist gray pants that had a back zipper. She could easily have zipped herself up but where was the fun in that?

_

Steve felt pleased that things were going as well as they were. She hadn’t asked about the restaurant and he didn’t freely offer up any details. They pulled up to the front and after helping Peggy out; he gave the keys to the valet. Peggy arched a brow in surprise; it appeared that he was pulling out all the tricks tonight.

“This must be a really special night.”

“It’s a rental.” Steve said with an easy shrug. He opened the door for her and he gave the hostess their party name, Rogers.

He held her hand as they were escorted to their table. Peggy felt nervous about the looks they received as they passed the other patrons. Surely Steve stood out and she knew she didn’t. No one would make the connection to who she was yet the worry didn’t leave her until they were escorted to a private area.

“I figured you’d want something a little less public.” Steve whispered.

The hostess opened the door and before either of them could take a step forward, Tony jumped out.

“Happy Birthday Aunt Margaret!” He shouted, pulling her in for a tight hug.

Peggy stood there for a moment, frigid and overcome with shock. She blinked a few times and slowly brought her arms up to return Tony’s hug.

“Steve?” She looked over her shoulder, still wide-eyed, almost as if she was about to ask him for help. “Did you know about this?”

He shrugged, refusing to admit anything.

Natasha, Sam and an interesting looking gentleman Peggy had yet to meet came into her line of sight. They were smiling and clapping and wearing little party hats. She noticed Pepper next and she gave the woman a quick wave when Tony let her go.

Steve placed his hand on her lower back, guiding her further into the room as the door was closed behind them.

“This is for you,” Tony handed her a tiara that looked like it would be better suited for a small girl to wear.

“What is all of this?” She asked, looking at the item she was now holding.

“Steve and I thought we should celebrate your return the right way.”

Steve appreciated Tony acknowledging him and gave him a nod.

Peggy started to point out that she’d been back for quite some time now but she held her tongue. They had gone out of their way to do this for her so she could at least appreciate it.

She mentally pushed past her nerves and gave Tony a grateful smile.

“Thank you. It’s really thoughtful of you both.”

“Don’t mention it.” Steve said, rubbing her arm comfortingly.

“Happy Birthday. Tony says we’re supposed to call you Margaret now?” Natasha said as she approached her, offering her a small box.

“I’d prefer it, yes. Thank you.”

Peggy reached out to accept the gift but Tony intercepted.

“We’ll open gifts at the end.” He said, giving Natasha a disapproving look.

Tony suggested that everyone take a seat and they did. He knocked on the door, his cue that they were ready to be served.

Dinner was light, consisting of grilled salmon served over a salad and a variety of fresh fruit. They ate in a somewhat comfortable silence. Steve assumed Tony would take the lead as the unofficial host. Sam, Natasha and Vision weren’t sure what they could or could not say. Peggy was touched by everything but still wasn’t sure what to make of it.  

“I haven’t had a birthday in ages.” Peggy said out loud after swallowing her sip of water.

Immediately all eyes were on her, waiting for her to continue.

She looked at them all, meeting their eyes briefly but not resting on one set for too long.

Tony laughed along at the joke; Peggy gave him a quick, grateful smile.

“How about those presents now?” He asked.

Peggy nodded as she wiped her hands. Steve gave her thigh a quick squeeze under the table. She turned to look at him and his eyes were silently asking if she was okay. She nodded and turned away as Tony and Pepper came back to the table with their hands filled with gifts.

“Open mines first,” Tony said eagerly, shoving it towards her.

She picked up the neatly wrapped box. She shook it carefully, trying to figure out what it might be. For a moment she felt like a little girl again on Christmas morning.

Slowly she began to rip the wrapping paper until Tony told her there was no need to be delicate about it. She put more effort into it, ripping it carelessly then until a black box appeared. She removed the lid and inside among the soft tissue paper was a red leather-bound photo album that had the word _memorie_ s written on the front in gold.

Peggy smiled as she opened it. The first two pages consisted of pictures she hadn’t seen since she was a young girl herself. Her parents wedding photo, pictures of a young Michael and the terrible haircut he wore as a child. There were a few adorable but embarrassing photos of her as well.

The next pages revealed white and black images of her and her friends; Fred was in one as well. It reminded her of a different time. A time that felt familiar yet so strange because she hadn’t truly been herself back then.

She had no idea how Tony got his hands on them. Had Howard kept them? She didn’t know. It didn’t really matter now.

As she continued to flip the pages she saw pictures of The Stark family, The Jarvis’ and herself. Angie and Daniel were in a group photo. The last picture that was on a page all by itself was Steve. Not the Steve next to her but the one from his file. The one she had kept close to her heart so long ago. The rest of the book was left blank for her to fill as she desired.

“Tony,” Peggy said his name slowly so that she didn’t give into the strong urge to cry right then and there. “This is---, she felt herself getting choked up and she tried to clear her throat. “Thank you.”

He nodded understandingly.

“Could I have a look?” Pepper asked softly.

Peggy nodded and passed it to her. It made its way around the table and Sam couldn’t hold it together when he got to the picture of Steve. Much to Steve’s embarrassment the whole table burst out in a fit of laughter at his expense. It was worth it to see Peggy happy though so he took it in stride.

The next gift was from Steve. It was a personalized necklace with the name Margaret. She kissed him quickly on the cheek and insisted that he put it on her; a request he was happy to fulfill.

The gift from Pepper was a gift card to a spa. She even offered to go with her and invited Natasha along, declaring it a girl’s day out.

Natasha wasn’t sure what to get her but she figured makeup was harmless. She took a similar route as Pepper and got her a gift card to Sephora. Sam’s gift was surprisingly thoughtful for someone who didn’t know her. It was an inspirational book about looking forward with a renewed perspective. She suspected Steve had something to do with that.

“It seems I didn’t get the memo, my apologies.” Vision said when Peggy was done opening her presents.

She shook it off. No one had owed her anything and she didn’t want him to feel bad.

“I don’t think I caught your name.”

“Sorry,” Steve spoke up then. He knew she had at least seen Natasha and Sam and he spoke of them on occasion.

“Margaret, Vision. Vision, Margaret.”

“A pleasure to meet you.” Peggy presented him with her hand and he took it with a friendly smile.

They looked at each other for a moment; Vision had a curious look on his face as did she. Their brief staring contest was broken when Peggy smiled again and looked away.

“So you two meet during the war?” Sam asked, musing over the photo album again.

Tony and Pepper were having what appeared to be a deep conversation as they refilled on fruit and Natasha and Vision were discussing something amongst themselves.

“Yes,” Peggy answered.

Sam shared a look with Steve trying to gauge what he could say next. Steve wasn’t the best with non-verbal cues but he tried his best to tell him not to dive into that subject. It was missed by Sam unfortunately.

“Were you frozen too?”

Natasha and Vision’s conversation paused as they turned to hear her reply. Tony and Pepper had chosen that time to rejoin the group.

“Sam!” Tony scoffed as he sat his plate down and shot the other man a warning glare.

“What?” Sam asked, unbothered by Tony’s attempt at looking menacing.

Steve thought about kicking his friend underneath the table. Instead, he looked over at Peggy helplessly trying to figure out how to prevent this conversation from continuing.

“No, I’m afraid not.” Peggy answered after a moment of silence.

“So how are you here? I mean you look the same. You’re not some kind of vampire are you? Are those real too?”

He kindly left out the fact that he knew, along with everyone else at the table, that she was dead or at least she was supposed to be. It seemed that people from Steve’s past were forming a habit by coming back.

“Sam,” Natasha sighed. She was out of the loop with him but she knew better than to start asking questions.

Pepper held her head down, looking like she was regretting her decision to come out.  

Tony still very much wanted to strangle Sam but he knew that wouldn’t get him back in Pepper’s good graces anytime soon. He also knew Peggy wouldn’t like it.

Peggy wasn’t shocked that he had asked. She felt put out but she knew they were all curious. She expected as much at the beginning of all this.

“You don’t have to answer that, Aunt Margaret.” Tony said.

“It’s alright.”

“You really don’t.” Steve whispered.

She glanced at him but shrugged her shoulder. She figured it would need to come out sooner or later.

“I’m not exactly the same person in the photos. I’m probably not the best person to explain all of this but I guess you could say I’m a replica of sorts. Peggy Carter died quite some time ago and I don’t think one can actually bring back the deceased.”

Natasha and Sam exchanged a look. Not much surprised them but they weren’t sure how to receive Peggy’s explanation.

“Is that good enough for you?” Tony asked Sam sarcastically.

Sam slowly nodded his head, deciding it wasn’t his place to ask anything further. Steve gave Peggy’s thigh another squeeze but she didn’t look up this time. She focused her attention on the photo album, staring at her family and looking like she wanted to disappear.

Steve looked up at Tony and Tony just shrugged. He didn’t know what to say or do either.

“I didn’t mean to--,” Sam started to apologize.

“I wouldn’t be concern with that.” Peggy interrupted without bothering to look up.  

The message that she didn’t want to discuss her “resurrection” any further seemed clear at that point and no one said anything for a while. Pepper declared that she was calling it a night. After a general goodbye, she hugged Peggy before taking her exit.

“You want to get out of here?” Steve whispered. Peggy nodded almost immediately, closing the album.

“Thank you for the lovely party, Tony. I believe I’ve had all the excitement I can handle for the evening.”

Tony nodded understandingly as he rose out of his seat.

“Have a good night. I guess I won’t be seeing you at home later?” He asked softly so that only she could hear the question.

Peggy shook her head.

“Hold on a sec,” Tony said, stepping away from their goodbye hug, he left to get what appeared to be another gift.

Peggy took it skeptically. “What’s this?”

“Open it later,” Was all he said.

Steve held it and her other gifts as she quickly said goodbye to everyone else. Sam tried to offer another apology but Peggy waved it off. She may not have known him well but she knew he hadn’t meant any harm.

As soon as Steve and Peggy left, Tony didn’t miss a beat as he begun to unleash on Sam. Natasha and Vision tried to defend their friend but no one could be heard over all the yelling. Miraculously, Peggy and Steve hadn’t heard a thing even though they weren’t that far away.

_

“You want to open your last gift?” Steve asked after they had gotten back to his place.

Slipping out of her heels, she nodded and reached out to take the gift. He passed it to her and turned to make sure he had locked the door behind them.

It was another box minus all the fancy wrapping paper. Peggy lifted the lid and sat it on the coffee table, before she took a seat on the sofa and peered into the open box. Quietly, Steve sat next to her after turning on the side lamp.

“What is it?”

She didn’t answer him. Instead she scanned her eyes over the first piece of paper she saw. It was a letter typed by Tony. In it, he explained the importance for her to have a new identity and backstory. Creating this new persona was essential for her to move forward and he took the liberty of handling it for her.

After she read the letter, she passed it to Steve as she continued looking at the rest of the box’s contents. She found a birth certificate. Written in the name section was Margaret Harrison. Harrison was her father’s name and she assumed Tony thought it’d be a fitting surname for her new identity. According to her date of birth, she was 27 years old.

Along with her doctored birth certificate was a social security card and a work ID for Stark Industries although he had mentioned in the letter it was just for show. She didn’t have to work at all in she didn’t wish to.

“Harrison huh?” Steve commented as they continued to look at everything.

“I suppose so.”

“Do you like it?”

“It’ll do.” She said indifferently.

Honestly she wasn’t sure what to make of this. It hadn’t occurred to her that she may need a solid identity if she wanted to do anything. She never thought that far ahead but now that she had all of this information, what would she do with it?

“Margaret?” Steve noticed the look on her face and could practically see her mind racing.

“Hmm?” She asked as she blinked finally, beginning to gather everything together and place it back inside the box.

“You don’t have to decide anything, not now, not ever if you don’t want to. This just makes it possible if you want to.”

She nodded with a sigh.

“I can’t just exist though.” She whispered. “Wouldn’t that make all of Tony’s hard work pointless?”

“You’re not.” Steve argued. “You’ll figure it all out when it’s time. Don’t worry about it now.”

He moved closer to her and pulled her onto his lap. She didn’t protest as she rested her head on his chest, already beginning to feel more at ease by the simple gesture.

“You’ve had a long day.” Steve murmured as he held her.  

“You won’t get an argument out of me.” She replied with a defeated laugh.

Peggy’s mind wouldn’t pity her enough to allow her to go to bed just yet but Steve didn’t mind staying up with her. He was content with holding her for as long as she’d allow. At some point, she calmed down enough to close her eyes and Steve carried her to bed. He lay next to her carefully, pushing her hair out of the way to kiss her cheek before drifting off himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think we can all agree that Tony should take a break from party planning after this, am I right?


	19. Chapter 19

Steve and Sam returned to the tower after a morning jog. What happened at the party had been discussed and laughed off. Steve knew Sam hadn’t intentionally meant to put Peggy on the spot; his curious side had gotten the best of him. It helped that he was genuinely apologetic about it.

“Wait a minute, Sam.” Steve called out as he wiped the sweat off his face with the towel around his neck.

Sam halted his steps as he was about to head off to take a shower and turned to face Steve.

“I need to talk to you.”

“Shoot,” Sam encouraged as he went to the fridge to grab two bottles of water.

Steve accepted his and downed some of it before he began. It was something he had on his mind for a while now but he didn’t think there was ever a right time to bring it up.

“I’ve been thinking...the world’s been pretty calm lately, right?”

“I’d say,” Sam nodded in agreement. “No one threatening to destroy it at the moment. That’s always a good thing.”

“Yeah. We don’t get a lot of breaks.”

“I don’t think it’s in our contracts.” Sam joked, earning him a laugh from Steve.

Steve took another drink from his bottle, this time slower.

“Would it be selfish of me to step back?”

“You mean leave?”

“I mean like a vacation?”

Sam waited to see if Steve was messing around but he wasn’t.

“You know you don’t have to put your life on hold forever, Steve. You’ve earned the right to take some time to yourself. I’d say take all the time you want.”

Steve looked relieved to hear the words. He knew he could count on Sam to be honest but he worried the other man might tell him the Avengers needed him too much.

“You mean that?”

“You only live once and if anyone has a problem with it, then tell them to shove it.”

Steve shot him a stern look and Sam held his hands up in mock surrender.

“What? I didn’t say use the word I wanted to. Respect for my elders and all that.”

“You should like you’ve been hanging around Tony too long.”

They had a laugh about that.

“Seriously though, take the break. Live a little.”

“Thanks, Sam.”

“Don’t mention it.”

With that, Sam excused himself to take a much needed shower. Steve decided to stay in the kitchen. He turned his bottle upside down and gave it a swift swirl, making a pretend twister inside with the remaining water. He smiled at it briefly, watching it die out and settle once again.

A vacation was almost a foreign concept to him. He had never thought about taking one, not even as a kid. He understood money was tight, especially with him constantly falling ill. It was just one of those things he learned to dismiss, learned to not even dream about because it was so far from his reality.

But now, now it was a possibility if he could push his worries aside. If he could relish his mind of the fear that as soon as he left, things would fall apart and he’d be too far away to help.

Sam gave him a convincing argument though; he had spent every moment since he was discovered in uniform, chasing down one threat or another. Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad thing to just be Steve for a little while.

_

When Peggy opened the door to let him in, he could tell she was frustrated.

“Bad timing?” He asked, trying to hide his amusement.

She sighed while shaking her head and stepped out of the way so he could come inside.

“What exactly are you doing?”

He looked inside the living room to see an open laptop and stray pieces of paper everywhere.

“I was researching schools and majors also making a list of pros and cons for each one.”

“You want to go to college?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know, isn’t that what people are doing now?” She replied with an annoyed sigh.

She wanted to do _something_ even if she had no idea what it was she wanted. She couldn’t continue to go between Steve and Tony’s place forever, splitting her time between both of them when they weren’t busy. She was beginning to feel like a child who couldn’t be trusted to entertain herself.

“You know what it sounds like you could use?” He asked as he draped his arm around her shoulder.

She leaned into him, relishing being next to him and away from the computer for the time being.

“A distraction?”

“A vacation.”

They both answered at the same time.

“A _vacation_? Have you and Tony been making plans behind my back again?”

“No.”

Steve headed towards the couch and pulled Peggy’s along by her hand.

“He said he owed someone a favor. He didn’t give me any details, only saying he’d be back as soon as possible. You don’t suspect it’s anything crazy do you?”

“This is Tony we’re talking about.”

Steve meant it as a joke but Peggy smacked his arm for the comment.

“Alright, he’ll behave himself.”

“Thank you. What kind of vacation did you have in mind exactly?”

Steve shrugged. He had no idea how to plan a vacation. He just knew he wanted to go somewhere, far away from here, with Peggy by his side. He assumed they could figure out the rest together.

“Somewhere we can dance.” He answered, picking up her hand and kissing the back of it.

She watched him, a smile spreading across her face.

“I must admit that sounds vague but lovely.”

“I’m a charmer.”

“You’re something alright.”

“How fast do you think you can pack?”

“You want to leave right now?”

“Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t know you had other plans.”

Peggy started to smack him again but as she looked over at the computer and the papers scattered around, she decided she very much wanted to leave.

“Fine but you’re helping me.”

Steve agreed and followed her to her room. Because they didn’t know where they were going, she shoved random articles of clothing inside a small piece of luggage she “borrowed” from Tony’s things.

They put away the laptop and Peggy trashed all of the papers before leaving the house. She sent Tony a text explaining that she’d be away but she was sure that they’d return before he did.

“Ready to go, Ms. Harrison?”

Peggy rolled her eyes at Steve use of her new surname but nodded her head.

“Ready, Captain Rogers.”

He chuckled as he started the new car he rented specifically for their road trip. He passed Peggy a map and she scanned it before pointing to California and asking Steve if they could go there. He had no idea what they’d find there expect people that were way more famous than he was. Still it was a nice distance away and he was sure the drive there would be eventful.

They made random stops on their way to the golden state. They danced and they ate at restaurants. They brought small trinkets as souvenirs and Peggy discovered her love for selfies, but she insisted that Steve snap the photos since his arms were longer.

Steve, because he couldn’t quite shake his fears completely away, video called Sam and Natasha often. Natasha never answered, declining the call and sending a text instead telling him to enjoy his trip and forget about the rest of the world for five minutes. Sam was kind enough to answer and let him know that everything was intact without him trying to carry the weight of the world on his back.

Eventually he was able to relax and stopped calling altogether.

Somewhere along the way, in between the frequent stops, the selfies, the dancing, and trying different dishes, Steve learned to be Steve again. He learned to live outside of the uniform and shield and see that life had so much more to offer. As for Peggy, she let go of trying to figure out what her new purpose was. She regained control of her thoughts and emotions and lived in the moment, in there here and now with Steve by her side. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't know how I wanted the story to end initially. I tossed a few ideas around in my head. One was going to be Steve telling Peggy about Bucky/The Winter Soldier and they leave on some mission to save him. Another was Peggy would be apart of SHIELD somehow, y'know take her rightful spot. However, neither of those fit this particular narrative. Peggy isn't in the right state of mind with herself to pursue either option. So I had to remind myself to stay focused on what I wrote and decide on a fitting end for it. 
> 
> It played out a lot better in my mind (which most things do). I'm not-not okay with it but I feel like there's something missing, however I can't put my finger on it. I hope you all enjoy it nonetheless. I hope it seems fitting to you as well. Thank you.

**Author's Note:**

> This idea struck after watching 2X1 of Black Mirror. Sure, I saw Hayley playing Martha but in my heart it was an alternative version of Peggy.  
> I've been debating on writing this ever since and well now seems like as good as time as any.


End file.
